Summah Summahtime XXL
7/17/15 - We discuss diversity and National Parks, Ariana Grande licking donuts, the best of summer (drinks/bodies/dresses/swimsuits/songs), a sponge update, sexual peer pressure, the power of women athletes, and the joys of Magic Mike XXL.
Transcript below.
Listen on Apple Podcasts | Stitcher | Overcast | Pocket Casts | Spotify.
CREDITS
Producer: Gina Delvac
Hosts: Aminatou Sow & Ann Friedman
Theme song: Call Your Girlfriend by Robyn
TRANSCRIPT: SUMMAH SUMMAHTIME XXL
[Ads]
Aminatou: Welcome to Call Your Girlfriend.
Ann: A podcast for long-distance besties everywhere.
Aminatou: I'm Aminatou Sow.
Ann: And I'm Ann Friedman, and . . .
Aminatou: This week on Call Your Girlfriend we'll be discussing national parks, Ariana Grande licking donuts, a summer rapid fire about our favorite drinks, bodies, swimsuits, blah, blah, blah. We'll have a This Week in Menstruation update. We'll discuss sexual peer pressure and endorse women playing sports and Magic Mike.
Together: XXL.
[Theme Song]
Ann: I mean I don't know what to tell you. I have just been chilling at home so hard and drinking on my patio, painting my nails in the middle of the afternoon, and doing my job like a homebody. So I have no wider world anecdotes or like travel travails to share. I just have, you know, a light buzz at all times.
(1:55)
Aminatou: Oh man, that's so good. I was going to tell you about some fun places that I visited. I was in Wyoming and Montana which everybody should just go to. I don't know. Sometimes real America really surprises me and I'm like wow, why can't we have this all the time? But then you realize after two weeks of being out in the sun and visiting national parks I'm like okay, I'm ready for my life.
Ann: So question, if you've been in . . . I know you have been in many national parks lately. Do you have ideas on how can national parks attract more people who are not white?
Aminatou: Well, maybe probably just by restricting the number of white people.
Ann: [Laughs]
Aminatou: I just don't feel safe with white people and when you add outside to it it's not cool.
Ann: It's like the camping restrictions at Yosemite. It's like all the sites are full. All the white people slots are full.
Aminatou: Yeah. It's like if they sent out a note that was like hey, there's only 20 white people in the park right now . . .
Ann: You'd be booking a flight.
Aminatou: Yeah, it's crazy. I've actually worked on a lot of campaigns to do this. It makes me really sad how few people of color there are in parks. Honestly a lot of it is location, education, where they are, but the other thing that's crazy is park rangers are also all white, you know?
Ann: Right. It's like 80-some percent of park rangers are white.
Aminatou: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like madness and I was like well, you know, maybe start hiring some non-white park rangers and that would be awesome. There was a really good piece I think last year about how they really discriminate against black park rangers and it's a thing that's been going on for a while. I think it was on Grist maybe? I'll look it up. It was really sad.
Ann: Yeah. There was another op-ed recently about this issue but it was just kind of like the statistics we already know. It was not like a new idea, like limiting the number of white people, which is I find a very refreshing and novel approach to this problem.
Aminatou: Listen, Barack Obama, if you're listening to Call Your Girlfriend this needs to be a thing. You're just like sorry, you guys have all come and we just give people quotas.
Ann: I support that.
(4:00)
Aminatou: I know. I will say this though, I get really excited when I see older lady park rangers because they're such badasses. They just don't care. And I need a lot of help on the trail usually. [Laughs] It's like excuse me, I think I was just here! Excuse me, where's the bathroom? Like so many problems. The old lady park ranger is like -- they get me. They're just like oh my god, what a mess. Let's not lose this one.
Ann: Also those women have been wearing uniforms that were basically designed with male bodies in mind. I think about a lot of traditional uniforms.
Aminatou: Yeah.
Ann: It's like trying to hike in gear that is clearly not made to accommodate hips and boobs and a lot of things women tend to have, I have so much respect for people who are doing that out in nature every day.
Aminatou: Not to take this to a trivial place. They always have such healthy glows and tans and I'm always like hmm, you look so good. This is what I aspire to. And then, you know, two hours in I'm like okay I'm over this.
Ann: [Laughs]
Aminatou: I had a good time though. I'm really down with fly fishing now.
Ann: I mean do you have waders?
Aminatou: Listen, I look so good in waders it's kind of ridiculous.
Ann: If we ever do a calendar I feel like you have to pose one month in waders.
Aminatou: [Laughs] I'll pose every month in waders.
Ann: That would be incredible.
Aminatou: There's something so comforting about them. It's like feeling like you're inside of a boot.
Ann: I don't know anyone who's ever been fly fishing and not enjoyed themselves. Let me just put that out there.
Aminatou: It's so fun.
Ann: Yeah.
Aminatou: It's like really, really -- it's super, super, super, super fun. I 100% recommend it, especially for self-care and LOLs.
Ann: Maybe the National Park Service should take our calendar idea as a way of attracting more non-white people to the park.
[Music]
(6:25)
Ann: What else? I think that we should talk about Ariana Grande.
Aminatou: [Laughs] Ariana Grande who I have already roasted once on this podcast.
Ann: Well we can briefly roast again.
Aminatou: This is my favorite -- I was telling you earlier this is my favorite scandal because nobody gets hurt. Nobody's getting a divorce. RIP Bennifer. Like nobody's dead. There's no cancer. Just Ariana Grande is a scumbag human being basically. [Laughs] Over Fourth of July weekend she was at some donut shop store -- ugh, California things.
Ann: I mean . . .
Aminatou: And making out with her background dancer which I support. I was like maybe this is who you need to date instead of rappers for a while. It was like "buying donuts." I'm making the biggest air quotes right now. And inexplicably yelled, when presented with said donuts, "I hate America. I hate Americans." [Laughs] Then when the employee goes to the back to get her whatever, more donuts, her and her companion lick donuts in the fucking donut place. And all of this is captured on camera. First of all, Fourth of July weekend is not the weekend that you proclaim that you hate America. Second of all . . .
Ann: Actually it's a pretty good weekend to claim that you hate America.
Aminatou: I'm sorry. America is the best. You cannot talk shit about America.
Ann: No, no, no. But if you're going to talk shit about America, on a weekend when everyone is celebrating America is a good time. It's like when America's down is the worst time to say you hate America.
(8:10)
Aminatou: I mean that's fair but the problem for her is that week she was also slated to be . . . there was some big MLB whatever thing. I don't watch baseball but I don't care. But I know she was replaced by Demi Lovato and it was great whose first words when onstage were "I love America!" [Laughs] So anyway what kind of scumbag human being do you have to be to lick food that is for sale? That's just gross. But then the media cycle just got a little crazy on this one and now the FBI is investigating her which I fucking love. I hope she goes to jail. But also her apologies have been pretty incredible. The first one she just typed on her phone's Notes app, like clearly did not consult . . .
Ann: Ugh. Love a Notes app apology.
Aminatou: I know. She was so panicked, she didn't consult her PR, posted it, and then they had to come back later and correct all of her spelling errors. [Laughs] It's like here's how you spell America. Here's how you spell sorry. But her apology was also really bizarre, right? I did this or I said that because obesity is a problem in America. And I was like stop talking right now. This has nothing to do with it. And this is the other thing that a lot of people did not note is that Ariana Grande is like a self-proclaimed vegan. I'm sorry, those are not fucking vegan donuts. What a phony.
Ann: I mean maybe that's why she was like if I lick them but don't eat them they're still vegan. [Laughs]
Aminatou: I know, but she was doing that thing that fake vegan people do where they just eat all sorts of food and they're like "But I'm vegan on Mondays!" But yeah, this is my favorite scandal in a long time and she did a bizarre video apology on her YouTube channel. And the pressure is on. The pressure is definitely on. You can't say you hate America. It's shameful. Shameful shit.
(10:05)
Ann: I think of all the things you can say to make people upset saying you hate America is the closest aligned with my personal views of any controversial celebrity. I mean it's not like, you know, crazy racist diatribe which no one can stay behind. I feel like hating America in some ways is a defensible point-of-view.
Aminatou: I mean not for this young lady but also if I'm being honest, I think the reason I love this scandal so much, it's because it's such a non-scandal and it's so over the top.
Ann: Also just donut licking as a component of scandal is so great.
Aminatou: I know. It's like some Mean Girls high school shit which is so befitting.
[Music]
Aminatou: Let's do a summer things rapid fire.
Ann: Rapid fire.
Aminatou: I used to be a huge hater of summer and then Amina Mattos (?) that I've already mentioned on this podcast, she really showed me the light on how summer can actually be a ton of fun.
Ann: I would also not call summer my favorite season but I can't hate and I don't hate.
Aminatou: This is going to sound crazy to a lot of people but I really miss east coast muggy disgusting summer.
Ann: Okay, that is unreal.
Aminatou: Like being . . . there's just something about it. It's like you're so hot. Everybody looks so good and sweaty. You're sitting on a roof drinking Rose. Maybe that was just me. But I really miss that. I'm like god, it's disgusting and beautiful at the same time.
(12:00)
Ann: I just don't miss the thigh friction associated with that kind of humidity.
Aminatou: Girls, there's things to do about that.
Ann: I know.
Aminatou: Also I will say this. I don't sweat a lot, or I don't sweat as much as I should, and I think that contributes to how much I like summer.
Ann: Is there some kind of online quiz you can take to figure out how much you should sweat? I don't . . .
Aminatou: Because people complain about sweating a lot, right? Especially people who are bigger. One time when it was 100-something degrees in New York in the subway and I felt sweat roll down my back and I was like oh, this is how normal people feel and I cried. It was so hot.
Ann: This explains everything.
Aminatou: I was like oh. I was like okay, like today I understand how normal bodies feel. I just don't. I don't know. My internal cooling, it's pretty cool.
Ann: See, yeah, I feel like I am not -- like on the sweaty spectrum I don't feel like I am too far on one end or the other. But I sweat and I have definitely felt sweat trickle down my back a lot, frequently while on subway platforms or at any point in east coast summer. And an ex-boyfriend of mine once referred to me as Lake Friedman.
Aminatou: [Laughs]
Ann: Which I feel was unfair. [Laughs]
Aminatou: That is amazing, but if it's like 85 degrees and your hair is looking sweaty and a mess, I'm like I am down for this shit.
Ann: It's just like sexy music video vibes constantly in your mind.
Aminatou: Listen, my skin always looks good in that weather. Real talk.
Ann: Okay, summer bods. What else?
Aminatou: I like summer because you get to celebrate your body no matter what body you're -- you know? It's like I'm bikini-ready when my body's inside of a bikini. That's how I feel. [Laughs] Also my summer snack game is next level.
Ann: Obviously now you have to hit some highlights.
Aminatou: Rose 24/7.
Ann: Sure.
(13:50)
Aminatou: Rose. I've also been known to drink a light red wine with ice through November. [Laughs]
Ann: I think I've seen you order that in the depths of winter actually.
Aminatou: No, it's true. I talked to a sommelier about it. He said it's fine. [Laughs] Cucumber on every fucking thing. Like that's just the way to roll.
Ann: Mm-hmm.
Aminatou: I make the best fucking popsicles and boozy popsicles. Just everything is great.
Ann: Anything basically that I can put in a Vitamix with booze is what my summer situation is. Especially the boozy whiskey beverage which I know we talked about but for me as a revelation because I'd normally thought of the slushy bev as for other kinds of alcohol. That has really changed my game.
Aminatou: Yeah, no, I'll give slushed anything -- slushy a chance.
Ann: Yeah.
Aminatou: I had a slushy vodka cocktail the other day and I was like whoa, I normally don't fucks with vodka but this is great.
Ann: [Laughs] I mean make it slushy. It's like . . .
Aminatou: Yeah, just make it a slushy. Just make it a slushy.
Ann: It's the beverage equivalent of put an egg on it. Just put it in a blender.
Aminatou: I know that we talked about shaving and grooming and all of that stuff. I don't feel too much anxiety about it in the summer.
Ann: I mean summer, it must be said, is the perfect season for the bag dress. Obviously it's always a good season for the bag dress.
Aminatou: Yes.
Ann: But summer is the time when basically wearing a large sack, preferably made of silk or something breathable, is just peaking. It's just the best.
Aminatou: Yeah. It's like bring out all of your shapeless clothes that are for summer.
Ann: The bag dress is like a caftan that you can wear to an art opening. It's the best.
Aminatou: [Laughs]
Ann: I mean not that you can't wear a caftan to an art opening because we've all been there.
Aminatou: Yeah, I put caftans and bags in the same category.
Ann: For sure.
Aminatou: Don't be fooled though by buying those bag dresses on Etsy that cost like a hundred dollars. Please don't do that. Those things always make me laugh. They're like here's a shapeless dress, a hundred dollars, shipped straight from China. 20 dollars shipping. [Laughs] I'm like no.
(16:00)
Ann: Although, you know, it is my dream. You know how in the lingerie section of department stores they'll have a shape wear section which basically means modern girdles and Spanx? I really want an adjacent shapeless section that's just . . .
Aminatou: [Laughs]
Ann: It's only like oversized denim.
Aminatou: Ann, we can be that. We can totally be that. We can bring shapeless into fashion stores.
Ann: That would totally . . . that's how we're going to get our New York Times style section overblown profile. It's just like, you know, by defining it as shapeless wear.
Aminatou: It's just like literally we cut a head and arms into a sheet. [Laughs]
Ann: Yes, exactly. Exactly.
Aminatou: And we tied them with some rope and it's like yep, we're ready.
Ann: Yeah, exactly that.
Aminatou: What are -- yeah, it's like what are we drinking besides slushies and Rose?
Ann: I mean that's pretty much it. Oh my god, actually I had a really unfortunate incident making cold brew coffee at home for the first time.
Aminatou: Disgusting. [Laughs]
Ann: Okay, okay. You know . . .
Aminatou: You know how I'm so judgmental towards coffee drinkers.
Ann: I know you are.
Aminatou: I can't handle it.
Ann: And some of us need it to live.
Aminatou: Ugh.
Ann: And I was given a Toddy cold brew system for Christmas years ago and I never used it. I put it on top of a cabinet and forgot about it and then when I moved I found it. I made this cold brew which is hyper, hyper concentrated and I didn't really know the percentages. Like I read on the thing that it's a third coffee to two-thirds other stuff, either like milk or water or whatever. And I did that and my eyeballing skills were less than good and I was high. I was actually kind of scared. Like could not work, was like crazy-eyes, was calling people and just like "Hi, do you want to meet me somewhere? What's going on?"
Aminatou: So like me when I have a latte.
(17:45)
Ann: Yes, exactly. So now I can relate to people who are like coffee is too much and I've been pouring it out in shot glass sizes ever since and I don't know if I will ever make another one.
Aminatou: That is crazy, yeah.
Ann: But I've said forever I'm not a person who's affected by coffee and this was like oh no. Oh no.
Aminatou: When people say that to me I'm just like you people are all on heroin. I don't believe it for one second. Coffee wreaks havoc in my life.
Ann: Right. I do totally use it as a drug. I'm like I have a lot to do; I'm just going to drink coffee until I get it done. And I always think about a New Yorker article from ten years ago about how the college kids these days are using Adderall -- LOL -- and they interviewed some doctor.
Aminatou: Don't LOL, Ann. We need it to get our work done.
Ann: This is what I'm saying about coffee. So they interviewed some doctor and they're like "Is it really bad for these kids?" And he was like "Well, you know, it's kind of the same as a large amount of coffee." And then I was like that's what I'm doing. I am drugging myself without having to go through a weird dealer.
Aminatou: Yeah. I mean listen, more power to you. I just know that the first time I had coffee is also the first time I learned what tachycardia was so . . . [Laughs] I'm like I'm not down for this.
Ann: Ugh. Well, anyway.
Aminatou: I'll have an iced coffee every once in a while when I want to feel really good about myself, but, you know, it has a lot of milk.
Ann: Yeah. I mean this is probably my most important beverage lesson of the summer is just know your limits when it comes to cold brew. Just know your limits.
Aminatou: That's crazy. The only other thing that I always endorse in the summer is the Shiner Ruby Red beer.
Ann: Mmm, this is a good rec.
Aminatou: It's so good. It's so good. You know, it's the Shiner summer seasonal. I miss Texas all the time so it's always my if I'm anywhere else that sells it I get very excited. Ruby Redbird is great but I also love just shitty summer beers.
Ann: Well I have to say that before you turned me on to the Ruby Redbird I would never have fucked with a fruity beer, ever. Like that is just not my thing. And I endorse. I endorse the Shiner.
Aminatou: Shiner is so good. If only they would distribute all over the country. Shiner, please, get your shit together. It was always a big deal. I remember when they brought Shiner to New York I was like man, I can live here forever now.
(20:10)
Ann: This is built to last.
Aminatou: [Laughs] It was. And then I tracked down every bodega that had it and luckily mine did and I was like this is a big fucking deal.
Ann: Right?
Aminatou: Ugh.
Ann: Okay, final summer roundup question, song of summer. Go.
Aminatou: Um, man. So for the last two summers it's obviously been Hey What's Up Hello by our boyfriend Fetty Wap. [Laughs] But if I'm really . . . I'm sorry, that song is great. Hey What's Up Hello, are you kidding me? That's the best opening to anything. But if I'm really honest this summer it's been the Jamie xx Loud Places and every remix of it that exists.
Ann: Yeah, going through the full spectrum of remixes is the best. Is the best. That's when you're sort of like well maybe it's time to switch things up a little.
Aminatou: I know, except that I just say . . . I was like between Jamie xx and Fetty Wap it's been a great summer for me.
Ann: Those are uncontested songs of summer. It's like there are certain things that I listen to every summer regardless of the trends but that's the real standout.
Aminatou: Yeah.
Ann: Although who knows? Maybe again in 2016. There's not a limit. There's not an expiration date.
Aminatou: Oh, there's not an expiration date on Trap Queen. It is going to carry us through next summer. Every time I hear it I just uncontrollably smile.
Ann: Ugh, yes.
Aminatou: Which is like a lot. [Laughs]
Ann: I mean there is definitely a day where I heard it at least five times, like sort of in ambient noise like my neighbor was playing it and then I heard it walking to the coffee shop, like coming out of someone else's window, and then I heard it on the radio. Like the whole day, just an unbroken soundtrack.
(21:48)
Aminatou: It's so good too because honestly it was the first time that I actually felt old and not connected to the culture when I had to Rap Genius every single line of that song. I was telling Chord when I was in New York, I was like I don't know what a bando is. I don't know what they're cooking. I'm like is it cocaine? Is it heroin? Do you cook heroin? Like I don't know what's going on. But still just infectious happiness.
Ann: Right.
Aminatou: And every time I see Fetty Wap in an interview he's just so happy to be there. I support his every move.
Ann: Happy to Be Here: The Fetty Wap Story.
Aminatou: Yeah, no, he is. He's like then Drake blessed me with his presence on the remix. Kanye called me. And all these people are like "Wait, tell us about the Drake connection. Tell us about the Kanye connection." And he's always like, you know, they just like the music. And I was like as they should.
Ann: Yeah. Best thing to say. Best thing to say.
[Music and Ads]
(26:28)
Ann: This Week in Menstruation we have a couple of important sponge updates. [Laughs] I love that, just full disclosure here, before we started recording, we both Google searched contraceptive sponge for possibly the first time.
Aminatou: Like Google Image searched.
Ann: And I was like what is the strap? There's like a weird strap on it.
Aminatou: Yeah, I don't understand how it protects you from anything/how you get it out there anyway.
Ann: Well interesting you should say that because it seems like it doesn't protect you from much and it's difficult to get up there based on reader response.
Aminatou: [Laughs]
Ann: One listener writes "You asked to hear from people who had tried a contraceptive sponge. Well I got a box of them from Planned Parenthood once but never used them because they were GIGANTIC." All caps. "Like the size of a bar of soap. I didn't think there'd be room for anything else in there."
Aminatou: Right? Because you can have sex with . . . yeah, the whole point is you're supposed to have sex while you have them in there.
Ann: Right, exactly.
Aminatou: I don't know why I'm so dense to this fact. I'm just like put a sponge in, it'll stop the flooding.
Ann: Right.
Aminatou: And it's like oh, that's not what this is for.
Ann: No, no. Okay, so speaking of the flooding, a different listener writes "So about ten years ago I started to use the sponge because I can't use hormone contraception because of my migraines. Long story short, when I called the clinic to schedule my abortion due to its failure, the woman on the phone asked me some questions, etc., and I told her I was using the sponge. She told me 'Oh honey, no, they just hold the sperm in.'"
Aminatou: [Laughs]
(28:00)
Ann: "I have quite happily had a UID since then." Which is like, you know, everything you know about sponges, that makes total sense, you know?
Aminatou: Talk about a thing I learned about on this podcast that I never want to encounter in my life.
Ann: I mean no. What if -- can you imagine sleeping with someone who is like "Actually I have ea thing for women who are on the sponge. Would you use the sponge?"
Aminatou: You know what, Ann? If a man could accurately talk to me about one form of birth control I will probably marry him.
Ann: Oh my god, please. My standards are higher than that. [Laughs]
Aminatou: I'm sorry, nobody's met that standard yet.
Ann: It's true. Actually requiring a scientific breakdown of pros and cons of various contraceptive methods that men . . . yeah.
Aminatou: No, just showing them the contraceptive method and being like please draw me a diagram of how this works.
Ann: How do I put this in and where does it go?
Aminatou: Yeah, how do I put this in? Where does it go? Pill. Start here. [Laughs] How does this work?
Ann: Yeah.
Aminatou: Contraception is hard. I don't know how people -- not having a baby is really hard work.
Ann: Oh my god, it's so much work. It's like, you know, basically we're in an uphill battle against biology constantly. It is the worst.
Aminatou: Yeah, yeah. Now I get all those people that make those jokes about celebrating when your period comes. I'm taking them more and more seriously because people are giving you sponges out there. [Laughs] That shit is crazy.
Ann: Yeah, it is true. Also I hadn't thought about the contraceptive sponge and the menstrual sponge and how those things are kind of the same thing but trying to do . . .
Aminatou: Yeah. It's like any time somebody says contraceptive sponge to me, all I'm hearing is oh, for your period. [Laughs] Which is the dumbest thing ever.
Ann: Right.
(29:50)
Aminatou: Oh, one of the women that was on my Montana trip, she's all about I don't want to call it natural family planning because it's the other one. Like this is how dumb I am about this stuff. But yeah, it's like taking your temperature and knowing the four days you can . . .
Ann: News flash, daughter of a Catholic mother will tell you it's still called natural family planning.
Aminatou: No, no, no, but there's two forms. Like she was telling me natural family planning is the one where literally on the days that you want to have sex the most you cannot and then this other one is some other form of the same knowing what your mucus is like.
Ann: Yeah, but they're both about tracking. Whether you're trying to get pregnant or not get pregnant there's a lot of mucus feeling going on.
Aminatou: Oh yeah, no. First of all I don't claim expertise on any of this. I'm just telling you what the mucus lady was telling me where she was really anti . . . like yeah, whatever the Catholic method was called, she was really anti that. And I'm like but you basically do that. [Laughs]
Ann: I'm sorry, it's like the same method but for different purposes. Yeah.
Aminatou: Yeah, for different purposes. The minute somebody says to me you need to know what your cervical mucus is like I'm like literally there's not enough money in the world to make me. I can barely wash my face every day to remove my makeup. There is no way I'm going to be monitoring mucus.
Ann: I mean what if you are like a couple of glasses of wine in or a little stoned and you're like is this mucus tackier than yesterday?
Aminatou: [Laughs]
Ann: That is just too much interpretation for me.
Aminatou: I was so impressed with her though because she was telling me how you can just tell and I'm like you literally have no idea what you're talking about.
Ann: But you can just tell because you're like super horny and that's how you can tell. [Laughs] Or is this actually like she can identify just by the mucus alone?
Aminatou: Yeah, she's like I can tell what this -- it's like the people who are really in touch with their bodies. I'm rolling my eyes so hard as I say that FYI. Oh, it's -- this is called FAM.
(32:00)
Ann: Fertility Awareness Method. Blah-de-blah.
Aminatou: Yes.
Ann: That's just a hippy version of -- I mean it's the same thing just with a different name.
Aminatou: I mean, listen, I'm just telling you it's all crazy talk to me. This is where I really want science. It's like when I'm cleaning my house and for birth control I don't care that things are not natural or safe. I'm like please, bleach. Please give me contraceptive hormones.
Ann: Right.
Aminatou: I can't handle this stuff.
Ann: If I had a lot of time to spend on paying attention to all of that stuff and obsessively tracking it and I was cool with maybe getting pregnant which neither of those things apply to me.
Aminatou: Right? It's like yeah, this is the thing that none of these people ever tell you because the truth is when their mucus methods fail they're like oh, what a happy blessing. [Laughs] I'm like I'm not here for that.
Ann: Actually who . . .
Aminatou: Yeah. It's like apparently the cervical mucus method only has a 3% failure rate which I refuse to believe. I'm like I'm sorry, that's not real.
Ann: I think we should re-brand this the mucus method just right here and now.
Aminatou: [Laughs] Like you people are crazy.
Ann: The other thing about it too is your body temperature fluctuates based on, you know, the time you go to sleep and what kind of booze you've ingested. If you really, really want to be sure about it you have to live basically like a teetotaler who goes to sleep at the same time every night. Which that totally works for some people but it does not work for all of us.
Aminatou: No, it's true. I mean the only reason I would endorse this is just so you can say something like "Sorry, honey, can't have sex today. It's the wrong kind of mucus today." [Laughs]
Ann: It's a bad mucus day.
Aminatou: Sorry!
Ann: Ugh.
Aminatou: It's just like we are living in the best time for birth control. Can you imagine Outlander days? No way.
(33:48)
Ann: Yeah. I mean I think that to date we are living in the best time for birth control. I have to believe that the future is brighter. I have to.
Aminatou: I mean probably not.
Ann: Ugh.
Aminatou: Like they're going to be doing pelvic exams the same way for 200 years.
Ann: Okay, I feel like I just want to stop this before it gets depressing and take this other question because it's pertinent. It's totally pertinent to our convo.
Aminatou: Okay, tell us.
Ann: This email is from a listener who says "I am a rising senior in high school and worrying about college and graduation and such and all of my friends are having sex. They keep telling me about it and I don't feel left out necessarily but I feel kind of lame. Is it weird that I haven't had sex yet?"
Aminatou: It is absolutely not weird and totally normal and not lame that you have not had sex yet.
Ann: Also what percentage of your friends who are having sex all the time are having orgasms?
Aminatou: Right.
Ann: This is what I'd like to know.
Aminatou: I'm just like show me the high schooler that's having regular orgasms.
Ann: I definitely did not have sex in high school and I had a ton of orgasms with my right hand that I feel like if I were having sex I might not have. I might not have had such a high hit rate if you know what I'm saying.
Aminatou: Yeah. It's also such a weird kind of peer pressure to put on people. It makes me really sad that anybody is trying to pressure anybody into having sex when they're not ready. Especially when you're in high school. It is like logistically a challenge. No, it's true. It's like you have to meet someone who doesn't gross you out enough. You have to find a place. You have to get awkward. It's just like the logistics of it are challenging.
Ann: Yeah.
Aminatou: But also yeah, I certainly did not have sex in high school. Like no, ma'am. I went to this really small religious school where it was advised that we not have sex. But let me tell you this: all of the religious kids I found out later were having sex.
Ann: [Laughs]
Aminatou: So for all of my grandstanding I was the only one not having . . . well, that's not true. But it's like when I think about that now I'm just like man, I was just not ready. Not only was I not ready I didn't know any boys that were ready so . . .
(36:00)
Ann: Well I feel like that's also the case where it's like having sex with a partner requires a partner. When I was in high school I remember being like huh, I don't seem to be -- I know I have a sex drive but I don't seem to be attracted to anyone here. Small town problems. And I was like maybe I'm gay. No, not attracted to the girls either. Huh. What is going on? And the answer was college. It was fine by college. But, you know, you don't have to have sex just because people are having sex. Like if there's not a person you want to have sex with or it's not a thing that's happening you're doing great. It's fine.
Aminatou: You're doing great. And you especially shouldn't feel lame about it.
Ann: Oh my god, totally.
Aminatou: You have your whole . . . you literally have your whole life to have sex.
Ann: We could rename this podcast Call Your Late-Blooming Girlfriends. [Laughs]
Aminatou: I mean, you know, no it's true. It's like all of the people who are my closest friends were actually very late bloomers.
Ann: It's true.
Aminatou: And I don't know -- and obviously for all of the awkwardness of that I look back on it very fondly. It is very hilarious to me.
Ann: I realize I'm the one who said this but the phrase late bloomer is kind of icky. Like the idea that you blossom when you finally have sex with another person as opposed to just yourself is gross and I did not really realize that until I said it out loud just now how much I hate that phrase.
Aminatou: This is one of those instances like the mucus people that you actually have to listen to . . . [Laughs]
Ann: God, it's so true. You just listened to us talk about that whole disgusting thing and you don't even have to worry about that.
Aminatou: You do have to listen to your body. Also, you know, and this is such a personality thing, I research everything. I remember in college when I was like okay, maybe this is something I'm considering having. What are the best resources on this? [Laughs] And I read The Guide to Getting It On like cover-to-cover.
Ann: Amazing.
Aminatou: That book is like hundreds of pages. I really needed to do that. I'm not going to let girls who wear outfits that I don't respect pressure me into having sex.
(38:00)
Ann: Right. I think the other thing that's going on, and this is definitely true well into adulthood, is just because people are talking about having sex or having a lot of sex doesn't mean they have a good sex life. It took me a while I think to realize that it doesn't necessarily mean you are awesome and free and empowered just because you're having lots of sex too. Sometimes people have lots of sex and are happy about it and that's awesome but there's not like a . . . you can't assume that just because you hear about it a lot that that's a thing to be jealous of.
Aminatou: And the thing that watching a lot of reality TV has taught me also is that people lie about having sex all of the time. All of the time. And I suspect that for some of your high school friends that's also true.
Ann: People lie to the people they're having sex with about how they're having sex and enjoying it, let alone to people who aren't even in the room.
Aminatou: [Laughs] It's like having sex is a journey. You're going to go solo. You're going to have people onboard. You're going to learn a lot. You're going to change a lot also and your body's going to change. So, you know, do it when you're ready.
Ann: I love the idea -- I love the idea of people boarding your sexual steamboat. [Laughs]
Aminatou: I mean that's basically what happens.
Ann: [Laughs]
Aminatou: You're just like where are the peaks that you're with yourself and where are the peaks that involve other people?
Ann: Like boarded 2007. Thrown overboard 2008. [Laughs]
Aminatou: No totally, right? But you learn -- you know, like casual sex can be really, really enjoyable and super fun. There's also great stuff about sleeping with the same person over and over again and learning their body and them learning your body. It's just . . . it's really sweet and you have your whole life to do it. You're a cool lady for writing in.
Ann: Yeah. Oh my god, the coolest lady.
Aminatou: The coolest lady. And I suspect you're going to have the best sex of anybody you know when you have it.
Ann: I was just about to say something like that. Like it's sort of like, again, quality and not date and quantity is really the important thing here.
[Music]
(40:14)
Aminatou: Before we close I want to talk about things that we are super, super, super duper endorsing right now. I'm going to do mine for lady sports. This last week was great for women who play sports. It was fantastic. If you didn't watch the soccer World Cup you're an idiot because those ladies are just the best, and surprise, surprise, American women play better soccer than American men. No shade.
Ann: [Laughs]
Aminatou: And don't get paid as much money which is a huge travesty and really insulting. I don't know. I had a great summer watching the World Cup, and also like just hanging out with people who are huge men's soccer fans watching women's soccer. I think that if you are a male soccer fan and you don't watch women's soccer you're an asshole.
Ann: You're not really a soccer fan.
Aminatou: No, you're not. Especially not in this country because your men's team sucks so . . . [Laughs] I have a rational dislike of the US men's soccer team. I'm just like this is what happens when you can throw money at a problem but you don't really have good talent. And also watching Serena win Wimbledon and complete her Serena Slam is the best thing in the whole entire world. She's so great.
Ann: There's really just like . . . I find there very little to say other than just she's so great. She's so great. She's so great.
Aminatou: She is. She's so great, she's beautiful, and a deadly killer. Also she's probably secretly dating Drake who's my favorite . . .
Ann: What? Wait, I had not heard this.
Aminatou: Okay.
Ann: Sorry.
(41:50)
Aminatou: Ann, you're a fool. So first of all if you follow Drake on Instagram you've noticed that he has gotten, what do the kids call it, swole recently.
Ann: Mm-hmm. Have noticed this.
Aminatou: [Laughs] He has gotten very big and everybody's like hmm, what's this about? And then literally the man is at every single Serena game including the press conferences. It's amazing because he's dressed really . . . he's wearing white pants, a sweater over his shoulders. He looks confused at some of the calls. It's like the best thing in the world.
Ann: [Laughs]
Aminatou: And then over the first couple of days he wasn't sitting in her box. Mmm, tennis, thank you for that innuendo. [Laughs] And it just so happened that he did. And then Serena friend zoned him pretty hard which is why, you know, it's why I perpetually love Drake. It's like some reporter asked Williams whether Drake might be a lucky mascot. Williams rolled her eyes. Drake laughed, leaned forward, and covered his face.
Ann: Oh! Sorry.
Aminatou: "We've been friends -- we've been friends for like so many years," Williams said, "Just like family."
Ann: Wow. Wow.
Aminatou: If you remember in 2012 Drake and Common had a beef over Serena so this is all coming full-circle.
Ann: Ugh.
Aminatou: But yeah, he was there every day. I hope they're dating. This is like the one celebrity gossip thing that I actually want to happen. It was great. And when Serena won, she at her opponent, she told her -- she's like "Don't even sweat it. You're a champion. You're going to be holding this trophy very soon." And I was like Serena, this is why you're the best.
Ann: Ugh. Just like a million different things to admire.
Aminatou: What's your summer endorsement?
Ann: Okay, my summer endorsement is Magic Mike XXL. This is not news.
Aminatou: [Laughs]
Ann: This is not news to many people but it is just the best. My friend Hilda referred to it as a Homeric Odyssey about female pleasure. There are valid complaints but it's like oh, yes, this is not every woman's version of pleasure. This is blah, blah. I mean all important caveats. But I just feel like for a summer movie that was basically like a buddy road trip comedy in which men are sensitive and supportive to one another, and then the layer of, you know, pure male objectification and a sort of centering of female pleasure, it was beyond delightful. Plus like a sexy Cheetos moment. How often do we get that?
Aminatou: [Laughs]
(44:20)
Ann: I mean . . .
Aminatou: I mean, listen, watching that movie was just like the best. Best, best, best, best thing in the world. It's funny because I feel like I get swept into the frenzy. Like if I'm really honest male stripping makes me really uncomfortable and there were many times in the first Magic Mike that I just couldn't handle it. I had to put my hand over my face, I'm that person. And in the second one I was that person too but the plot was so much flimsier that you could enjoy it.
Ann: Yeah, the plot, it was like a self-aware movie. It was like we know this is a sequel. We know that this is not meant to be super hard-hitting. Like we're going to acknowledge that this is a plot-less movie.
Aminatou: Yeah, it was like just give it . . . they just gave it enough plot that they could be like oh, this is why they're here.
Ann: Right.
Aminatou: [Laughs] And like explain the location change. But yeah, so if I'm really honest male stripping makes me really uncomfortable and I would personally not enjoy it. But man, I enjoy Channing Tatum antics so much. It's unstoppable.
Ann: And I have to say I agree with you. Like any time -- the handful of times in my life that I've been presented or been in the same room as a male stripper it has not been fun. But I think that the thing I like about this movie is obviously there are stripping or dancing sequences but when I say that it's sort of about female pleasure generally, I actually think that that transcends just we're going to take off our clothes and writhe all over women. You know what I mean? It was more like . . .
Aminatou: There's something in it for everyone, right?
(45:55)
Ann: Right.
Aminatou: That's what makes the movie so successful. Like I love the scene with Andie MacDowell, you know, where they have sex. And instead of just panning to what's his name . . .
Ann: Joe Man . . .
Aminatou: Joe Beautiful . . .
Ann: Man Meat NLO . . . yeah.
Aminatou: Yeah. I'm always like Wendy Williams loves him so much. Now I get it. Instead of the camera panning to him and it's all about how he had a sexual breakthrough, instead it's like oh, Andie MacDowell, older woman, just had a fantastic time and it's like god, this movie is genius.
Ann: Yeah. I mean and the fact that there are women who are not 20 years old who are presented as powerful and sexy was great. I really do think though that this idea of caring about women having a good time as a motivating factor for these male characters doing what they do is maybe not realistic and maybe not like . . . you know, like the actual ways it's acted out in stripping or whatever is maybe not my thing. But I just would love to see more movies where, oh yeah, that's like a model. That's a thing that happens. Like there are men that really care about that. I love that.
Aminatou: Yeah. You know, also when you saw the movie I think you and I had a long text message exchange about this, about how really the reason that this movie is successful is the same reason that 50 Shades is sexsessful. Successful.
Ann: [Laughs] Sexsessful.
Aminatou: Sexsessful. Because women are really undersexed and really not catered to in cinema at all -- the female gaze. Because I'm still shocked at how many people are into 50 Shades, like unironically into it, and the success that it enjoyed. And I was like oh, this is why. This is exactly why, because there are so few media that just caters to women and says your enjoyment is valid.
Ann: Right. And not like your enjoyment of a really clich fairy tale ending but your enjoyment in an immediate sense of stuff that, you know, is just fun.
(48:00)
Aminatou: Yeah. No, Magic Mike was paced perfectly. I remember coming out of the theater, I had so much pent-up energy. I was like this is madness.
Ann: [Laughs] Yeah.
Aminatou: I went for a walk. It was too much. It was just too much.
Ann: I mean I feel like it really brought something out in a lot of people who saw it. I was at a I don't really know what it was. Like basically a potluck I guess is what it was? I don't know. A gathering with an age range of women. And definitely when Magic Mike XXL came up there was a woman who was like "How do they dance like that?" And by the end of the conversation she was imitating the weird one-handed push-up sexy thing that they do.
Aminatou: [Laughs]
Ann: And I was just like, you know, I feel like there is some unleash the beast within element of seeing that movie that is just, ugh, delightful.
Aminatou: No, I mean it was . . . the theater that I saw it in, it was for an industry event so it had a lot of famouses and a lot of regular people and writers. And even then women were screaming. Like screaming.
Ann: Yeah.
Aminatou: There were parts where I wished I could rewind which was fine because I saw it twice more after that. [Laughs]
Ann: I mean I will go again while it's still in the theater. Trust.
Aminatou: Oh, I will probably own a digital copy of it.
Ann: Obviously.
Aminatou: I think that'll be a good . . . it's like the first one I watched twice then I was like I don't ever need to see this again because the plot is actually really dark and depressing.
Ann: Right.
Aminatou: Yeah, it's like the pony moment just sustains you for so long. And then with this one you're just like oh my god, this is hilarious.
Ann: I mean also too, unlike the first one, they didn't really try to make a meaningful plot happen. What's sad about the first one is it's like in some ways oh, yeah, he probably does have dreams of becoming a furniture designer or something.
Aminatou: I love that he did it though. [Laughs]
Ann: I know. But he lived his dream.
Aminatou: He did live his dream.
Ann: Spoiler. Spoiler.
Aminatou: I also love -- I also love that they don't care about giving him romantic entanglements.
Ann: Ugh.
Aminatou: You know, actually this is true for everyone. I was like man, I wish more movies would really learn this lesson. It's like the people on the screen are for you. They're not for the other people. [Laughs]
Ann: Well and actually when he's chatting up his pseudo love interest in the kitchen while Andie MacDowell is having her moment in the other room, I was like go back to the living room! I wanted the camera to cut back to where the action was which is not Channing Tatum flirting. But anyway I digress. It was great.
Aminatou: I support Channing Tatum in everything he does. I've been a fan since day one. I just -- I love him so much. This is perfect.
Ann: Great. Okay.
Aminatou: I'm going to watch all his movies now. I went on a Channing Tatum action movie binge right after the movie came out but I think I'm just going to watch She's the Man and be really happy with that.
Ann: Just leave it at that. Just leave it at that.
Aminatou: Ugh, love you Channing.
Ann: Endorse strongly.
Aminatou: Strongly, strongly endorse. Oh, also did you see how he wants to meet Roxane Gay? Best . . .
Ann: Obviously I did and I was like how are all my worlds colliding? Like worlds that I didn't think were my worlds are actually coming together.
Aminatou: [Laughs] Yeah. As a kid, say worlds had been colliding.
Ann: Had been colliding.
Aminatou: World had been colliding. Yeah, no, it's going to be the best thing ever because you know they're going to do a Vegas show. They're going to do Magic Mike in Vegas.
Ann: They're going to make so much money.
Aminatou: I mean they're going to make a lot of money but so much potential to ruin the movie for people like me who are on the fence about that kind of stuff.
Ann: I know, but the thing is it's isolated in Vegas. You don't really have to participate in that.
Aminatou: [Laughs]
Ann: It's not like it's going to be all over the Internet and unavoidable.
Aminatou: I intend to see it. I intend to see it.
Ann: Okay, fair enough.
Aminatou: Well this was great. Tell everybody where they can find us.
Ann: Ugh, so many places on the Internet. Callyourgirlfriend.com, we're there. We're on Twitter at @callyrgf. You can email us at callyrgf@gmail.com and leave us a review on iTunes or subscribe there because we like that.
Aminatou: This podcast is produced by Gina Delvac.
Ann: Hey!
Aminatou: I'll see you on the Internet, boo.
Ann: See you on the Internet.