Straight Scam Express
7/28/17 - In an extended Cheeto Watch: Ivanka's dad shares strange stories with the Boy Scouts, attempts to kick valiant transgender servicemembers out of the military all while John McCain returns to join GOP senators and their 'skinny' repeal of Obamacare. In happier news, the Japanese artist who 3D printed the shape of her vagina into a kayak is back. The 150 best albums by women and 150 worst albums by men. Plus, CYG's summer bucket list (boob hickies and many crossfades are definitely on it).
Transcript below.
Listen on Apple Podcasts | Stitcher | Overcast | Pocket Casts | Spotify.
CREDITS
Producer: Gina Delvac
Hosts: Aminatou Sow & Ann Friedman
Theme song: Call Your Girlfriend by Robyn
Composer: Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs.
Visual Creative Director: Kenesha Sneed
Merch Director: Caroline Knowles
Ad sales: Midroll
LINKS
Cheeto’s shitty Boy Scouts comments, health care repeal plans (call your Senators! 202-224-3121! 202-224-3121!), and threats to ban trans military members
The Japanese vagina kayak artist is now making art about prison reform
150 best albums by women / 150 worst albums by men
Summer bucket list 2017 (sign up for The Bleed to get our full list!)
TRANSCRIPT: STRAIGHT SCAM EXPRESS
[Ads]
(1:01)
Aminatou: Welcome to Call Your Girlfriend!
Ann: A podcast for long-distance besties everywhere.
Aminatou: I'm Aminatou Sow.
Ann: And I'm Ann Friedman. On this week's agenda, Cheeto Watch Ugh edition including shitty Boy Scout comments, healthcare repeal plans, and threats to trans military members. Plus what the Japanese artist who made a 3D-printed vagina kayak is up to now -- hint, it's incredible -- 150 best songs by women and worst albums by men, and our summer bucket list.
[Theme song]
(2:02)
Aminatou: Ugh! Oh my god! You feel me. You feel me. This is why we're friends. You feel me. [Laughs]
Ann: Our document of things to talk about just says horrible, horrible, horrible, ugh on it.
Aminatou: I know. It's like that, and I'm having the cramps from hell.
Ann: Ugh, the body knows.
Aminatou: Yeah. And also I'm so annoyed at the weather. It's legit like fall weather outside and I'm just like ugh, is this climate change? What is going on?
Ann: New York Internet is very weather expressive so I feel like I knew that just from . . .
Aminatou: That's because we're about to get swept away in the [0:02:38]. It's like very terrifying what is happening right now.
Ann: Well I have no weather updates but I do . . .
Aminatou: [Laughs]
Ann: I've been going through this thing. Tell me if you are a better human than I am in the morning, where I have been physically unable to not check Twitter before I start doing my work. Essentially I derail myself every morning.
Aminatou: Ugh.
Ann: I'm like I have so much to do, I can just wake up and do it. I actually don't need to read the news until my lunch break or whatever. It doesn't matter because I already know what's on my plate for the day. And then like a moth to a horrible flame I open it and then just get swept into . . . I mean this week, every day has been something horrible.
Aminatou: Okay, I do something that is much worse where I've been really good about phone hygiene. I don't sleep in the same room as my phone anymore.
Ann: Do you tuck it into a little bed like Ariana wants you to? [Laughs]
Aminatou: Ariana, please send me a phone bed. No, I just put it in the dock. I got one of those little Apple docks and stick it in there and then I don't care. My alarm clock is my Sonos, so I wake up to the sweet, sweet sounds of the Rap Caviar playlist every morning.
Ann: Wow.
(3:55)
Aminatou: Thanks, Spotify. But here's the bad thing that I do: I will wash my face and brush my teeth and compulsively turn on Morning Joe as I get dressed. And let me tell you, if you think Twitter is the sewer, Morning Joe is like . . . that's like the swampiest of swamps. And it's my sickness. I'm trying not to watch it. My thinking is this. It's because I'm not reading the news on Twitter I need a quick place to catch up on what's going on, and so that's how I tell myself that it's okay to watch cable news at 6:30 in the morning. Everybody on that show is stupid except for Willie Geist who is very handsome and slightly says less dumb things than all of them. But it's literally the worst way to start your day and I get so angry because Morning Joe and Mika are scammers and everybody who comes on their show is also a fucking scam artist and here I am watching the whole thing unfold.
Ann: Ugh. I mean . . .
Aminatou: It's the worst. It's the actual -- it's the worst. It's like now that they're in a fight with Trump I'm like wow, really nobody to root for here in this swamp sandwich. It's hard. You people are all despicable.
Ann: [Laughs] Sorry, I'm just like . . . swamp sandwich is exactly what I feel like I am unwillingly eating.
Aminatou: It's the worst! And Joe's hair, Joe's hair is just getting bigger and bigger and bigger, some like Jimmy Neutron shit. And the thing about it that is amazing is they're on the cover of New York Magazine this week. This young woman reporter that I cannot stand wrote an article about them. It's like everything you need to know about how incestuous D.C. media is.
So everybody is praising the profile and there are these amazing details in it, like Mika does Joe's hair herself -- that's why it's getting bigger and bigger -- and no acknowledgement that these two people are part of the terrible political discourse that we have in our country. They're part of the media that gave us Trump essentially. All they do is analysis. It's always bad analysis. And everybody's in awe of them because they're powerful D.C. people, but they're in fact both idiots.
(6:12)
Ann: Okay, I have a question for you as someone who actually watches this. I did not read this profile either. I like saw it on the Internet, but frankly I'm not that interested.
Aminatou: You will scream when you read it.
Ann: But I have to know does Joe Scarborough always wear a fleece with his own name on it to host the show? Is this . . .
Aminatou: Oh my god, they're so into the fleece. He always is wearing a fleece. They also are always drinking Jamba Juices or Starbucks that some assistant brings them early on. And it's really hard to tell whether it's spon-con or not, but also they're doing this thing right now that is hilarious where Joe and Mika are split-screen and then there's the screen of the people -- the left-behind crew in D.C. But the thing that's hilarious is that I was reading on some fake news publication that they're actually both in London and pretending that they're not in the exact same room.
Ann: What?
Aminatou: And then that's what the split-screen is. Like it makes no sense that they would both be gone on vacation at the exact same time. There's like a screen for Mika, a screen for Joe, and then a screen for the people back home in D.C. So it's just this really complicated, convoluted nonsense. I'm just like being a producer on that show is probably the worst job in all of media.
Ann: Ugh. Okay, well you beat my Twitter addiction. I didn't think it was possible. [Laughs]
Aminatou: Yeah, let me tell you, it's my sickness, like watching Morning Joe. I've got it down to only three days a week now but I'm trying to completely wean myself off.
[Music]
(7:55)
Ann: Okay, do you want to do a quick rundown of what's worth being angry about this week or do you want to just let it go? I don't care.
Aminatou: Let it go! I actually don't know how the song goes. You do a rundown. Tell me all the things. I'm mostly just angry at cable news.
Ann: We kicked off the week with the Cheeto addressing the Boy Scouts of America. In terms of the news that made me scream in the morning, this was like the wake-up for the week. Which I'm not really invested in the Boy Scouts. I kind of don't care.
Aminatou: Okay, so I had to actually Wikipedia what scouting is. Like I know what Boy Scouts are, but I really don't know what Boy Scouts are, you know what I'm saying? Or Girl Scouts. And it was like what is this? And then the more I read, the more I was like isn't this fascism anyway? What's going on here? You people just send your kids out to wear brown uniforms and do activities together and then go to jamborees and I'm not supposed to think that that's shady all around? That's shady.
Ann: I mean I was a Girl Scout because I grew up in super Christian middle America where Girl Scouts were seen as a wholesome default. Girl Scouts do some good things, you know? I'm not going to argue with you that tiny uniformed militaristic language organizations are the awesomest.
Aminatou: Yeah, it's like give children little knives and let's see what kind of leaders they turn into.
Ann: [Laughs] Stop.
Aminatou: I'm not so sure about this. But also I found out that the Girl Scouts don't get pocket knives and the Boy Scouts do. I was like hmm.
Ann: I know. And there's also the Girl Scout pledge which I can still recite.
Aminatou: What is the Girl Scout pledge?
Ann: On my honor I will try to serve God and my country, to help . . .
Aminatou: What?
Ann: I know. To help people at all times. Well, we used to say to leave each place better than I found it which that is not according to the Internet still in the pledge. And then the end says "and to live by the Girl Scout law." So you've got to go another layer deep to learn the Girl Scout law. [Laughs]
Aminatou: What is the Girl Scout's law?
(9:55)
Ann: I mean I would say it's 50/50. Okay, so do my best to be honest and fair. I mean, maybe.
Aminatou: Okay. That's fine.
Ann: Friendly and helpful. I'm like hmm, gendered.
Aminatou: Emotional labor. Okay.
Ann: Considerate and caring. Hmm.
Aminatou: Hmm, emotional labor part two.
Ann: Courageous and strong. Okay.
Aminatou: Okay, I'm down for that.
Ann: Responsible for what I say and do. I'm down with that.
Aminatou: Fair. Fair. I like that.
Ann: And to respect myself and others. Yes.
Aminatou: Hmm, that's how Dear Abigail Taylor Swift slut shaming starts. It's like literally in those words.
Ann: Oh my god, respect myself? Okay, respect authority. Hmm, hard no on that one.
Aminatou: Hmm, mm-hmm. I'm like I see y'all little children in uniforms.
Ann: Yep. Use resources wisely. Uh . . .
Aminatou: Okay. Fair. Fair.
Ann: Make the world a better place.
Aminatou: Okay.
Ann: And be a sister to every Girl Scout.
Aminatou: Emotional labor. So, yeah.
Ann: Yeah.
Aminatou: I'm not even going to go read about the Boy Scouts but I have seen with my own two eyes how the Boy Scouts were not down with gay Boy Scouts. All of the handwringing about like "I cannot believe my children were exposed to a Donald Trump speech," and they're doing all this political stuff. It's like you know, I get it. Life is complicated and weird. But also let's talk about how your children are doing jingoistic nationalistic shit in uniforms. That's weird.
Ann: Yeah.
Aminatou: All because we don't have good daycares in this country. That's crazy.
Ann: Honestly I'm like there's sort of -- there's that layer of it, right? These organizations are a stand-in for everything that is wholesome and good about America, which eyeroll. But some of these comments, though. Like did you read these yacht comments that he made to them? Like that was one of those things . . .
Aminatou: Yeah, no. He straight-up went crazy. Like I -- please, tell the people. I just couldn't believe it. I was like you know you're talking to children, right? They don't know your party lifestyle. This is weird.
(11:52)
Ann: Okay, I will read you the blow-by-blow. So essentially he doesn't ever say anything in full sentences or in a structure, so the Cheeto was telling this long story about a real estate developer buddy of his and he goes "Yeah, he sold his company for a tremendous amount of money. At the time, especially he sold his company for a tremendous amount of money." It's really hard to read direct transcripts here. "And he went out and bought a big yacht, and he had a very interesting life. I won't go on any more than that because you're Boy Scouts so I'm not going to tell you what he did." And then the audience boos, like the Boy Scouts boo, and he goes "Should I tell you? Should I tell you?"
Aminatou: Oh my god.
Ann: And they're all like "Yes!" And then he goes "Oh, you're Boy Scouts but you know life. You know life. So look at you. Who would think this is the Boy Scouts, right? So he had a very, very interest life and the company that bought his company was a big conglomerate." And then he just goes on and on rambling, right? So it's like so, so weird. Like that's part of the stuff too where I'm just like it's weird.
Aminatou: Weird, but also you're like I am so shocked that teenage boys would enjoy the company of Donald Trump.
Ann: Yeah, I know, right? He's really found his level.
Aminatou: Oh my god, what a nutcase.
Ann: I know. And also just being like yeah, wink, wink. Lots of interesting times on his yacht. Like what? Do you want to know the Boy Scout oath?
Aminatou: Okay, just make me even . . .
Ann: [Laughs] Oh, god. There's an oath, a law, a motto, and a slogan.
Aminatou: When I think of the people who are Boy Scouts like Rick Perry or that dodo that runs Interior now . . .
Ann: Or like Barack Obama?
Aminatou: Barack Obama was a Boy Scout also?
Ann: Yes.
Aminatou: Explains everything.
Ann: [Laughs]
Aminatou: I get it that we have to teach people virtue and leadership and whatever. I contend that there are better ways to do this. Also like don't outsource your children learning how to be good people to national organizations.
Ann: I know. Okay, the Boy Scout oath is "On my honor I will do my best to do my duty to God and my country and to obey the scout law." Again you've got to read a separate scout law to really fully . . .
Aminatou: Oh my god.
Ann: "To help other people at all times, to keep myself physically strong, mentally awake, and morally straight."
(14:10)
Aminatou: Oh my god. Also this obsession with God. It's so alienating on so many levels. This is so weird. America, you are weird. You are very weird.
Ann: I know. It's hard for me to explain why . . . like it seemed infuriating on Monday, like before other terrible things went down I guess. But mostly in retrospect I file this under the category of shit that would've been grounds for impeachment had Obama done it.
Aminatou: We almost impeached Obama for wearing a tan suit at Easter.
Ann: And like putting his feet up on the desk.
Aminatou: That's how close.
Ann: Yeah.
Aminatou: That's how close it got. And on one level I try to be really careful about my own what aboutism, doing the comparison every time of "If Obama had done this" or "If Chelsea Clinton had done this" or whatever and it's really egregious. But at the end of the day there's no other way to look at it. It's just wild to me what Donald Trump gets away with as normal every single day.
Ann: I know.
Aminatou: Like Republicans should be outraged about it. Like imagine if Obama had gone to tell their tender, little white children about Obama shit. They would've lost it. They would've absolutely lost it.
Ann: I know. And that's the kind of thing too that, like I said, I file this outrage -- even though I know it's an exercise in making yourself crazy, I file this under it made me so mad because no one else would've gotten away with this. [Sighs]
Aminatou: [Sighs] I know, but that's not even the most annoying thing that's happened. The thing that made me really outraged this week was watching like straight talk express scam artist John McCain. He got his brain surgery paid for by taxpayers, gets on a private jet paid for by taxpayers to come back to his taxpaying really cushy job to give us a lecture about how we need to go back to regular order and do good things and nice . . . just your regular John McCain grandstanding. He does this shit all the time where he's just like let's rise above. And then fold -- like do the thing that he said he wasn't going to do, which was vote along party lines for a bill that takes away our healthcare. I wanted to jump inside the television and shake him. I'm so angry.
(16:30)
Ann: I know. The straight scam express does not stop. And also then the speech afterwards, right? To come and cast this vote, and then be like this process is terrible. This is not the way to make laws. It's like well, but you just voted and participated in this process.
Aminatou: Yeah, he's just as bad as the rest of the meat and potato Republicans. Don't believe it. Just because he's like an old guy who served his country honorably once doesn't mean that he's right about everything. I firmly believe that John McCain is an American hero and what he went through or what he did for his country was incredible and amazing. It was also in the '60s. Since then John McCain voted against making Martin Luther King day a national holiday. He has many, many serious issues on his voting record when it comes to civil rights. The man gave us Sarah Palin which there's a direct line between elevating Sarah Palin and where we're at in our national politics today.
And then this healthcare stuff, it's like are you serious? Are you actually serious? Also how he can align himself with somebody who said he wasn't brave and was captured and play this kind of game, I'm just like congratulations. You played yourself, sir.
Ann: Yeah. I mean and it's also -- I get really upset about the dichotomy between wanting to thank someone for their earlier service to the country and wanting to acknowledge that it's not cool for anyone to get a really serious diagnosis with that means they're immune from any criticism about the willful political decisions they make. I think we can hold both of these things to be true, right? Like you did some good stuff. You also did some bad stuff.
(18:10)
Aminatou: Right. Like you can hold those truths.
Ann: Yeah.
Aminatou: And the frustration for me honestly comes directly from the media, because again I watch Morning Joe. And watching even people who I think are reasonable reporters and people who should be objective just be like "Oh my god, the lion of the Senate. Listen to him roar." And I'm like are you guys serious?
Ann: Yeah.
Aminatou: This man just came here, did some grandstanding for 22 minutes, and then now you're trying to tell me -- first of all, you don't get to decide what your legacy is. We get to decide what your legacy is. And the closer you are to dying, the things that you do count just as much as the things that are the totality of your life and your record. And I find it crazy that the media is so in love with him that there's no room for criticizing him. The headline should literally be like "Flies Back on a Private Jet to Take Away Healthcare From 22 Million People." That's the real headline. Like which is shocking in and of itself.
He, more than most politicians, has really been able to rise above the dumb-dumb Republican muck where he will do a speech or two, say a thing or two, and people assign so much virtue to him. And it's like no, he's just like the rest of the swamp people.
Ann: Ugh, yeah. I mean and then there's just like the underlying issue which is this zombie healthcare bill that keeps coming back and all of us busy citizens who just want to live our lives have got to take time out to call our senators a million times a day. I know we talked about this earlier on in the Cheeto administration but as I watch this drag on and as I watch them not care to share the details of this bill with anyone and as I watch the medical professionals in every state in this country stand up and say "You cannot pass this," really? And we're still having to call you every single day? You're going to make us do that? Okay.
(20:10)
Aminatou: In other countries do people beg their senators and their congress people not to kill them? Because this is what's going on here. It's like every day we call. It feels like we're not making a really big dent in anything. I'm really disappointed in democratic leadership all around, generally. I'm just like I don't know what the fuck we're paying you guys to do. And then you contrast that with literally seeing disabled advocates chaining themselves to doors and being the ones who are pushing really hard for healthcare in this country and watching TV and seeing capitol police just pulling them away from where they are is really upsetting. It's like very, very, very upsetting.
Ann: Right, and capitol police telling reporters you can't take photos inside the chambers as this is going on?
Aminatou: Yeah. And like you -- first of all, you are like one step away from rent-a-cop status so calm down. And that's not how the first amendment works. Like what are you so upset about that you're doing that you don't want people showing it? It's like if you cannot . . . if it's so upsetting to you that people are literally standing outside of the gallery yelling "Don't kill us, kill the bill," you should really reexamine what it is that you're doing and what it is you're upset about.
Ann: Look at your life. Look at your choice.
Aminatou: Ugh. Just I hate everybody. I hate everybody that's involved. There's nobody to root for. You know, and even just going back to the McCain thing, right, it's like watching how when he walked into the Senate chamber yesterday, Bernie literally mowing people down to go hug him and hold him. Same thing with Al Franken and all these people. And I'm like listen, I get it that he's your colleague and he's your friend. I get that. And that you guys are -- you know, it's like the Senate is built on all this collegiality and being nice to each other and they think they are the giants of everything. But also fuck you. The rest of us are scared. We don't know what it means for our healthcare next year. And it's not to say people should be partisan, but my god keep your dumb collegiality out of our faces and do your jobs for once.
(22:15)
Ann: For me this is just like 202-224-3121. That's the capitol switchboard. 202-224-3121. And seriously every day, especially if you live in a state that's represented by a what we're now calling moderate Republican, but any kind of Republican or Democrat, call, call, call, honestly.
Aminatou: I know. These people are monsters. My god.
Ann: It's just shameful, too. Speaking of the Scout pledge of serving God and your country, it's like what about serving people who have just some basic healthcare needs? What about serving human beings, you know?
Aminatou: No, Ann. If God loved you you would not have diseases. Did you not know this?
Ann: Oh my god.
Aminatou: And if God loved you you would have enough money to pay for your own health insurance all the time.
Ann: I know you're winding me up but I almost threw this microphone across the room. [Laughs]
Aminatou: I'm telling you, this is such a radicalizing moment for me. It's like after November 8th, it's today. I just cannot support a single Democrat who doesn't support single-payer. I'm like I'm sorry, this is where we're at. Just like watching this bill come back like the Terminator every single time and how it's going to be relentless until they get something passed. What phase are we at right now, skinny repeal? You can buy that at Starbucks. It's just like the whole thing is really upsetting. Now I'm just ranting.
Ann: I know.
[Music and ads]
(27:24)
Aminatou: Here's another thing that is upsetting is y'alls president tweeted trans people are no longer welcome in the military, which is shocking for many reasons because one, who the fuck does edicts that have international ramifications and first of all tweets them? That's insane. And second of all we already have trans people in the military and they are serving honorably in the military.
Ann: Right.
Aminatou: Like what does this mean? He has no idea what the policies that he's enacting mean and language really matters. And so today 15,000 trans servicemembers woke up not knowing if they still have a job and what their place is in the armed services. That's insane.
(28:10)
Ann: Yeah, not to mention the fact that the defense secretary is out of town.
Aminatou: Yeah, is on vacation.
Ann: And is like uh, um, actually that's not our policy. And it's like . . .
Aminatou: Also that's literally not what was on the table. What was on the table was deciding whether the Army was going to pay extra for medical services that affect trans people. It was not to say they were kicked out of the military all together.
Ann: Oh my god, let me hit you with a 2x4 of truth as well. Like the uppermost estimates for what transition-related treatments cost the military is about 8.4 million dollars a year. Like that's like the ceiling.
Aminatou: I know, tell me about Viagra. How much do you think Viagra cost the military?
Ann: Oh, only about 84 million dollars. 84 million dollars of boner pills and they're upset about trans healthcare. Like honestly, ugh, I can't even.
Aminatou: This is all-around trash for so many reasons. Trans people have been serving in our military for decades. They do so honorably. They put their lives on the line. And to have somebody who dodged the draft four times be the one to decide this is sickening. What the fuck? Like what the actual fuck? It puts everybody in danger and also means the military is going to have a harder time recruiting, you know? Because this is not how this was supposed to go down. It's so angering.
Ann: I'm so excited for the Washington Post article that's going to come out next week in which an anonymous source tells the Post that Jivanka really tried to work against this behind the scenes.
(29:48)
Aminatou: Oh, that article is already out.
Ann: No! [Laughs]
Aminatou: So here's the party line. Oh, no, no, it's better than that. The party line is that Jivanka and the other Democrats, like the moderates -- so the Goldman Sachs people -- all decided that they were going to use their cultural capital somewhere else because this was like daddy cow tailing to the religious right.
Ann: Ugh. This stuff is also just so, so ugly because it's like you can't even call it a dog whistle because we can all hear it. It's just a whistle to the most bigoted people who supported his campaign to be like "I'm here for you. I'm not here for any other Americans, be they people who are risking their lives in the military or not. I'm here for you, bigots. I'm your president." That's what this move says.
Aminatou: Yeah. It's just the whole thing is really upsetting. Meanwhile we still don't have his tax returns. Meanwhile nobody is in handcuffs yet. He's probably going to fire Jeff Sessions which I'm kind of excited about. None of this is normal. When this happens in other countries we cover it with such incredulity, you know? It's like really quick to throw the words authoritarian and Banana Republic or whatever. And it's like no, the exact same shit is happening here and nobody is doing anything about it because the people in Congress just want tax cuts for billionaires.
Ann: Yeah.
Aminatou: [Sighs]
Ann: Yeah, I know.
Aminatou: Everything should make you angry right now.
Ann: Yeah.
[Music]
Ann: Let's just depart Cheetoland for a second. Is there anything else that is not making you angry/you are paying attention to and not enraged by?
Aminatou: No, everything is making me angry. Sorry.
(31:45)
Ann: Okay, I'm going to hit you with a spot of good news. Do you remember that Japanese artist who was famous for 3D printing her vagina and making it a kayak and then paddling down the river?
Aminatou: [Laughs] Yes.
Ann: Yeah. Her name is Megumi Igarashi. Actually I'm not sure exactly when that was. It was definitely a few years ago.
Aminatou: It was in the G-Reader days.
Ann: Yeah, the vag kayak was like maybe even ten years ago. It was quite a while. So basically now she's back on the radar again and talking about prison issues which I'm like yes, this is such a cool move. There's a new anti-terrorism law in Japan that's recently gone into effect and she's basically like civil liberties, hello? Prison industrial complex, hello? And she's basically like, because we mentioned she's an artist, she's been drawing this card game that depicts what's up with interrogation and the prison system in Japan. So basically the experience of not having enough personal hygiene items is a card. Sleep deprivation in prisons is a card.
And it's interesting because all of the stuff about the vagina kayak was framed in terms of speech as it should be and I just loved that she's using her role as a speech advocate to talk about prison issues now.
Aminatou: That's right, use the platform.
Ann: I know.
Aminatou: You've got to use the platform. I love this. This is great.
Ann: We'll link to it so you can see the cards, which are really cool, in the show notes.
[Music]
(33:55)
Aminatou: The other thing I like is have you seen this thing on NPR where they basically made a list of 150 greatest albums made by women?
Ann: I did see that.
Aminatou: I obviously rolled my eyes because we need lists like this but then I looked at the list and it's pretty lit. They definitely miss some. I was like how can you not put Velvet Rope on here? But it was really good. I was ugh, I'm so torn between liking lists like this and then remember why we need them in the first place.
Ann: Right.
Aminatou: Because we live in such trash town. All of this to say that I'm re-listening to Hole right now and it's made my day.
Ann: Shout out to IRL friend and friend of the podcast Stacy Wood who told me she was screaming along to Hole this week and then her cat tripped her and she like fell over and hurt herself in like a rage-related hole accident, based on the news. Sorry for outing you Stacy but I feel like I relate deeply. [Laughs]
Aminatou: That is so funny.
Ann: Yeah.
Aminatou: Yeah, no, I really like the Live Through This, the album. I like it a lot but I don't revisit it a lot and this list made me do that and I was like oh, I remember why this is great. This is great.
Ann: Right.
Aminatou: Also so much Emmy Lou Harris. It's like angry-o-clock hour at the Sow household these days but it's like perfect.
Ann: Did you also see the I'll call it a companion list of the 150 worst albums made by men?
Aminatou: Oh my god, on Jezebel? So good. So good. So, so, so good. I was like there can't be enough Kid Rock to go on this.
Ann: I mean, yeah, obviously the number one worst album by a man is a Kid Rock album.
Aminatou: Who you know is running against Debbie Stabenow in Michigan.
Ann: God, I can't even.
Aminatou: And it's kind of like the perfect -- to loop it all back in with Trump, here's Kid Rock who actually grew up pretty wealthy and then turned into whatever monster this thing is that he is now. And then he's running as a champion of the people versus Debbie and it's very upsetting.
Ann: I know, honestly. You can just say that.
Aminatou: It's crazy. It's crazy.
Ann: Yeah.
(36:00)
Aminatou: It's so crazy. Yeah, this list of 150 worst albums is pretty -- it's hilarious, though.
Ann: I won't lie, I'd forgotten all about Hoobastank.
Aminatou: You know, it's . . . well, I have not forgotten about Hoobastank because I have a friend who is still a Hoobastank fan.
Ann: [Laughs]
Aminatou: It's a sore point in this friendship. So many trash things in here including the Beatles and Swedish House Mafia.
Ann: I mean I did appreciate also there was like a Bob Dylan album near the top, or I guess you would call it bottom, anyway, a low number on this list, and it was the Christmas album. And I'm just like it would've been so much better if they'd indicted another middle-of-the-road Bob Dylan album for being not great.
Aminatou: Bob Dylan is trash too. Two of my favorite trolls are telling people that the Beatles and Bob Dylan are trash and people lose their minds. Like lose their minds.
Ann: Well and it's funny because that exact dynamic is what's at play in lists like this, right? Where it's 100% subjective all the time. Like just because a bunch of old, white, male music critics decided that Bob Dylan and the Beatles are the best it makes it a challenging statement. And one of the things I loved about that worst albums list of Jezebel, it's like explicitly making the point that this is all subjective. There is no canon. Like the things you think of are the canon because they show up again and again are there for structural reasons. It's not because there is an objective best musician or album or songwriter. It's just an important thing to know, especially when anyone is questioning what you think is good and why.
Aminatou: Yeah. And I'm like are you kidding me? Ariana Grande actually has hits. Bob Dylan, not so sure.
Ann: I mean totally.
Aminatou: Oh my god, I can't wait for the hate mail I'm going to get about this. It makes me so happy. Whenever people get angry about my Beatles hot takes I just send them Migos songs and I'm like these are the real Beatles.
Ann: Be like try some Rap Caviar tomorrow morning and you'll feel better about it.
(37:58)
Aminatou: I'm like get your life together. The Migos are the Beatles. Like this is what you've been missing all along. Listen to these three.
Ann: Right. Yeah, your Beatles are the Beatles. That's a cool story. Everyone else's Beatles are something else.
Aminatou: Oh my god, yeah. That's right. The Beatles are trash. Tell everyone you know.
Ann: [Laughs]
Aminatou: Oh, god. Wow. When the Percocet kicks in the cramps feel much better.
Ann: I'm happy to hear it. What do you want to talk about now that you're all pain relieved and chilled out?
Aminatou: Now that I'm pain relieved and chilled out? [Laughs] I don't know. I think I'm probably going to go do a face mask.
Ann: Wait, okay, I want to hit you with an idea.
Aminatou: Okay, tell me your idea.
Ann: Did you see that -- I know you saw it because everyone on the Internet saw it, the handwritten teen summer bucket list 2017 that was found in an Urban Outfitters changing room?
Aminatou: No. I heard about this but I didn't actually see it. Tell me what's on it.
Ann: Okay, well . . .
Aminatou: It was one of those things that I was like ugh, fav this to read later. Like the photo's not loading. Then I just never went . . .
Ann: The photo's actually really hard to read and I kept waiting for someone to type out the items on this list and no one ever did, like it's just an image.
Aminatou: Rude.
Ann: So sorry anyone who can't visually read this photo because it's annoying, but I will read you a few items on it: go to a party, give two blowjobs, go to Kennywood, camp in the backyard, binge a new Netflix series -- the bar's pretty low for some of them -- but then pet a giraffe. High bar.
Aminatou: High bar. This is such a great stoner list. It's like . . .
Ann: I know. One of them just says super wild birthday. [Laughter] Eat cotton candy. Get a boob hickey.
Aminatou: Get a boob hickey! Oh my god, goals.
Ann: So I want to know . . . I want to know what -- obviously I share a few of these bucket list items with the teen. Buy seven bikinis is a pretty good goal. Fix home screen, I think that might . . .
(40:00)
Aminatou: It's like one for every day of the week. I love it.
Ann: One of them just says go ape.
Aminatou: I love this teen.
Ann: Yeah, I feel like the -- I also love that the New York Times published an article for concerned parents. It was like what should parents make of the summer bucket list?
Aminatou: What should you do if your teen on their list says going gorilla? What should you do?
Ann: Yeah. I mean boob hickey 2017, there are worse things.
Aminatou: Yo, boob hickey is always a goal of mine so like support.
Ann: I know. So I want to know what is -- hit me with a few items on your summer bucket list and I will hit you with a few of mine and then I was thinking we could publish a full CYG summer bucket list in The Bleed, our email newsletter, which goes out Monday. And then everyone can kind of see a fuller list. But I'm curious about what is on yours.
Aminatou: Oh my god, one of mine is definitely to try some -- to branch out in my HARIBO collection.
Ann: Mm-hmm.
Aminatou: Because there's so many good new gummies out like dinosaurs and whatever and I was like okay, I'm going to explore this. I'm putting boob hickey on there just because I was like good goals.
Ann: Yeah, some of these are definite carryovers from the existing list. Yeah.
Aminatou: I want to go to a dance party every Saturday.
Ann: Mm-hmm.
Aminatou: But also I want to sleep in past 11 every Saturday.
Ann: I feel like that's a good Sunday goal if you're at a dance party every Saturday. [Laughs]
Aminatou: Learn all the words to the Migos' Handsome and Wealthy, the best Migos song. What else? Oh, yeah, binge a new Netflix series. That's also such a good call. [Laughs] I just want to be a teenager again with no responsibilities.
Ann: I know. I love the idea of just putting that on a list so you can check it off too. What about serious goals? Do you have any serious summer goals?
Aminatou: I tend to not because for as long as you've known me, you've known this about me: summer is a good time to make mistakes. So I think that since I don't get to go to school and be a student or whatever summer is where I do all of my experimenting, high-level and like low-level. It's like everything. New haircut, trying new drugs, dating bad people, all in the summertime.
(42:15)
Ann: One of the things I appreciate about this list is there are random numbers in some of them, like one of them is get cross-faded 17 times.
Aminatou: What does that even mean?
Ann: Wait, you know what being cross-faded means.
Aminatou: I know, but 17 times?
Ann: I know, exactly. It doesn't make any sense of like on 17 days I will . . .
Aminatou: When your own time doesn't belong to you because you live at home?
Ann: I mean, I know. It's like . . .
Aminatou: You have to be a lady with a plan. It's good.
Ann: Completely. Yeah, so anyway, we will attempt to replicate the breadth of the summer bucket list 2017 in The Bleed which you can subscribe to on callyourgirlfriend.com quite easily. And if you do that before Monday you can see our list in your inbox.
Aminatou: Wait, tell me one thing on your list.
Ann: I want to see Girls Trip because I still haven't seen it. That's like an easy, easy . . .
Aminatou: Oh my god. Go, go, go.
Ann: Maybe get cross-faded and see Girls Trip together. I could check off . . .
Aminatou: Get cross-faded and see Girls Trip 17 times.
Ann: I know. Wouldn't that be amazing, though? It's like I like the idea of using some of these in tandem. One of the things on the original bucket list is tie a message to a balloon and let it go.
Aminatou: [Laughs] That's so sweet.
Ann: I like the idea of tying subversive feminist quotes to a balloon and letting them go. I mean it's maybe not the most environmental way to spread the message, but . . .
Aminatou: I know. I love feminist pollution. It's like here you go.
Ann: I mean it would make good Instagram content which is the story of about half the items on this list.
Aminatou: [Laughs]
(43:45)
Ann: I would like to up my selfie game. I feel like it's not something I really do, so maybe getting better at turning the camera around on my iPhone. I feel like that's a good goal for me.
Aminatou: Listen, just take all of your tips from Al Sharpton. He's like the selfie king.
Ann: Okay, noted.
Aminatou: Just Google Al Sharpton selfie. You're going to lose your mind. You're in 2017. He's in 3017. He uses all of the angles. It's insane.
Ann: Okay, I'm adding take an Al Sharpton quality selfie to this list.
Aminatou: It's insane. It's like how do you show your hair and your butt and your cute outfit and everything at the same time?
Ann: I mean the selfie that includes your butt is really difficult.
Aminatou: I'm telling you, 3017. Al Sharpton's there.
Ann: Oh my god, bless. Okay. Well, yeah, we will flesh out this list and send it in The Bleed. And also you can tweet at us too and tell us your bucket list items or post them and add us because I want to know. I want to know how everyone's living their best summer despite the straight scam express rolling through the news cycle.
Aminatou: Oh my god, straight scam express. You can say that again.
Ann: [Laughs]
[Music]
Aminatou: You can find us many places on the Internet, on our website callyourgirlfriend.com, download it anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts, or on Apple Podcasts where we would love it if you left us a review. You can tweet at us at @callyrgf or email us at callyrgf@gmail.com. You can also find us on Facebook -- look that up yourself -- or on Instagram at callyrgf. You can even leave us a short and sweet voicemail at 714-681-2943. That's 714-681-CYGF. Our theme song is by Robyn. All other music you heard today was composed by Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs and this podcast is produced by the beautiful Gina Delvac. I'll see you on the Internet, boo-boo.
Ann: See you on the Internet!