Non-Violent Embezzlement Scheme
12/14/18 - We begin to close our books on 2018 as Nancy and Chuck get covered in Cheeto dust. Financial tips for the end of the year, including money tracking, and organizations we're supporting. Plus, we're cheered by the gambling and vacationing exploits of a pair of scammer nuns.
Transcript below.
Listen on Apple Podcasts | Stitcher | Overcast | Pocket Casts | Spotify.
CREDITS
Producer: Gina Delvac
Hosts: Aminatou Sow & Ann Friedman
Theme song: Call Your Girlfriend by Robyn
Composer: Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs.
Associate Producer: Destry Maria Sibley
Visual Creative Director: Kenesha Sneed
Merch Director: Caroline Knowles
Editorial Assistant: Laura Bertocci
Ad sales: Midroll
LINKS
ORGANIZATIONS WE SUPPORT
Families Belong Together | Paola Mendoza on Twitter + Instagram
Brooklyn Defender Services has an Amazon wishlist of warm clothes for inmates on Rikers Island
Operation Santa delivers gifts to families through USPS
The Bail Project allows low-income people to avail themselves of their full rights
National Network of Abortion Funds
Downtown Women’s Center in Los Angeles
TRANSCRIPT: Non-Violent Embezzlement Scheme
[Ads]
(1:08)
Aminatou: Welcome to Call Your Girlfriend.
Ann: A podcast for long-distance besties everywhere.
Aminatou: [Laughs] Sorry, I haven't done this in so long.
Ann: I'm like do you have a name?
Aminatou: Hey bestie. I'm Aminatou Sow.
Ann: I'm Ann Friedman. Wow, we are really limping over the finish line of this year.
Aminatou: Wow. Can you believe I forgot how our intro goes? Anyway for everybody who's listening we are deliriously tired. Hi. You know me, I'm a Q3 bitch exclusively.
Ann: I know.
Aminatou: Q4 I fall apart again.
Ann: On this week's agenda Nancy Pelosi sits down with the horrible Cheeto and it became a Real Housewives shouting match, life and biz admin at the end of the year, plus some truly delightful scammer nuns and our tips for end-of-year giving.
[Theme Song]
(2:26)
Ann: Do you want to talk about the news?
Aminatou: You know, honestly, let's talk about the news because the news is kind of LOL right now. I mean it's like ugh, depressing, but sometimes there's the occasional LOL. So yeah, let's do it.
Ann: I mean you mean the fact that our horrible Cheeto president actually has to sit down with Democrats now? Is that what you're referring to?
Aminatou: Oh my god. So let me tell you this, I saw on the news I think it was like last week, they were like Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, and Donald Trump all going to sit down for a meeting. And I literally said out loud "Oh boy." I've never said oh boy out loud before, and that's why . . . [Laughs]
Ann: What about who boy? Have you ever said who boy?
Aminatou: No, I usually go who, child. [Laughs]
Ann: Yeah, no boy, just child.
Aminatou: I mean, you know, this is Caucasian nonsense so hence the oh boy. But I am really glad that we lived long enough to hear about this meeting because the meeting is bananas!
Ann: Beloved friend of the podcast Michael Arceneaux tweeted that it was like a Real Housewives reunion. It very much looks like that. Like they're all scattered around sitting in the oval office in chairs that are supposed to look comfortable but no one is comfortable. You know when you do that thing where you're perched a little bit forward and your back is not making contact with the back of the sofa?
Aminatou: Yes, because you've got to look in the camera. Mm-hmm. [Laughs]
(3:42)
Ann: Exactly. Like they are all doing that and, you know, and honestly it was just like the most why is this even happening? Why are we even filming this? What does this have to do with democracy or getting things done? I mean nominally -- nominally it had to do with budgetary issues over the border in which truly horrible people want five million dollars to build a border wall and less horrible but still bad people want 1.3 million dollars to build a border wall. That's what's going on and these are the people screaming at each other. Ugh.
Aminatou: This -- the whole thing is wild. And it also just reminds me that Real Housewives of DC was the weakest in the franchise so it also -- you know, I'm like still checks out.
Ann: You're like art did not imitate life there?
Aminatou: Right. And so the thing that -- there's so many things going on. One, you know, Ivanka's dad forever treating the country like it's a reality TV show. Nancy Pelosi is sitting there and going like "Hey, maybe let's not shut down the government." And Mike Pence is acting like he's not in the room. All of the pictures of him made me cringe. I was like where is mother? Where is mother? Why is mother not here controlling this? Because . . .
Ann: He's trying to play like the neutral game.
Aminatou: He's embarrassed. He's trying to be there, and then also Chuck Schumer is talking wild. Today felt like one of those a little -- slightly out of body experiences where it was like is this really happening right now?
Ann: For me I just kept thinking about like the Obamas, like they go low, we go high, and the consequences and the various ways that that idea has played out of do you sink to the Cheeto dust on the bottom rung of our democracy kind of level? Or do you try to pretend like you are still a professional with a job to do? And I think what happened in this meeting is everyone just played the exact Trump game. Like everyone argued about who won a bigger victory in the midterms. These are all facts, right? Like we don't need to argue who won the House and who won the Senate. Like we know. You know, just this idea of everyone needs to reiterate "Well we won this. Well we won that." And it's like that is -- shouldn't you all have done your homework before you came to this room and known this?
Aminatou: Right.
(6:00)
Ann: Why are you reiterating it for the cameras? We don't care.
Aminatou: And also, you know, just a reminder that these people literally get in it for winning and the rest of us are like these are our lives at stake, you know what I mean? You guys are having a contest and the rest of us are just waiting to see where the other show's going to drop.
Ann: I also feel like this is the kind of ridiculous and unproductive conversation that happens all of the time in Washington, D.C., and the reason why they were like let's get this on camera and broadcast it in real time is because this president cannot be trusted to accurately represent the content of a talk like this behind closed doors. So it's like again you are playing his game and having this conversation in public view and frankly embarrassing yourselves in the process.
Aminatou: Right. And you know the thing -- and I'm so less interested in, you know, in the Trump/Pence stake of this all. I was like this is exactly what I expect from them.
Ann: Sure.
Aminatou: The thing that is really interesting about this meeting to me is exactly what the people who are supposed to be representing us are doing. So I love that you brought up the like when they go low, we go high thing because clearly that's not working out for us. And another thing that makes me so frustrated about this, like I understand why Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer have to take these meetings. I think in an ideal world it's productive to like, I don't know, for opposing sides to talk to each other. The country is at stake after all. But here I'm like what the fuck are you people actually doing? And it's been really frustrating over the last couple of weeks to hear, you know, the reporting of how Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi are like, for example, the concessions that they're willing to make on the wall. I'm like I don't know how to tell you this, there's no concession to be made. The man literally should get zero dollars for a wall. There is no amount of money that is morally acceptable to appease that.
(7:55)
Ann: Exactly. Like 1.3 billion? Like no, that's not okay. This is not a moral position to argue from.
Aminatou: Yeah, they're just like let's give him a little bit of money. It's like distracting a pet with a ball. I'm like excuse me, the actual, accurate thing for you to say -- like this is why we vote you people in -- is so you say zero. Zero. That's what's going on here. And then to watch . . . so it's like Nancy Pelosi after the meeting, right? Here is the quote that she's giving. "It's like a manhood thing with him, as if manhood can be associated with him." And I was like first of all why -- the man has been president for how long now and you still don't know how to say sexism? Just say it out loud. And also why are you surprised? The rest of us who are watching this are not surprised. Not to spoil it, alert, Nancy Pelosi, it doesn't end well.
Ann: This is like happening in real-time as we are recording this but apparently she said to her Democratic colleagues in the house, describing the meeting, "It was so wild. It goes to show you you get into a tickle context with a skunk you'll get tinkle all over you."
Aminatou: [Laughs] The other actual best part of the meeting was this, was when Trump said "Nancy's in a situation where it's not easy to talk right now."
Ann: Ugh.
Aminatou: And then here's what Nancy responded: "Please don't characterize the strength I bring to this meeting." [Laughs] I was like this -- I was like actually this I love, this moment right here, because it is truly the essence of Nancy Pelosi that she is stuck in a double standard. Of all the people in that meeting she is the smartest, most capable person and of all the people in that meeting she is the only one that routinely faces sacrifices for what she does and what she believes.
Ann: Right.
Aminatou: And this is not me saying that everything that Nancy Pelosi does is right because I certainly disagree a lot with Nancy Pelosi. But I will also say that when it's all said and done and the history books are written, if they're written fairly, Nancy Pelosi will go down as one of the most consequential politicians who actually got shit done.
Ann: Yeah, I mean and it's one of those things where it's complicated right? Because I'm like do I hate the fact that they just had this televised meeting to presumably negotiate over a thing that they should not be negotiating over? Yeah. Do I think it was an annoying spectacle? Yeah. Do I love all of Nancy's policies? No. However people who love her already are going to only see this as like she stood up to him and showed strength. And I'm like can we hold it true at the same time that this was a stupid thing to engage in in front of cameras and also that it was satisfying to watch her stand up to this horrible president?
Aminatou: 100%. I am so with you.
(10:35)
Ann: In the same way . . .
Aminatou: But at the same time I'm like if you don't put yourself in this room you don't have to look like a fool in front of him.
Ann: Right. And I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't necessarily think that she looked like a fool in real time but I was like, when I was watching it, I was just like I can't get over the fact that they're here to negotiate a thing that is letting him set 1.3 million dollars on fire.
Aminatou: Billion.
Ann: Sorry, I keep saying million because it's like my brain won't accept they're going to let him set 1.3 billion dollars on fire as like, you know, a mating ritual with his base that will do nothing to actually advance any democratic ideals or the safety and prosperity of this country or literally anything. Like it's truly just how much money should we give you to do this sign posting thing?
Aminatou: Zero. The answer is zero.
Ann: Yeah. So I don't know.
Aminatou: But the thing is the people on our side are also useless and it's very frustrating to see ordinary citizens forever do more work and try to push the Democratic Party as far left as they should be and to watch them cave every single time. I was like this is not possible to me that this is the best that we can do. The other thing that I will say about this is that one of the central frustrations of the Trump years for me has been that there could've a thousand percent been a scenario in which Trump goes down as this very dumb but hilarious campy kind of president. But the thing is we can't laugh because there's literal Nazis in the house. Y'all are doing Nazi shit so none of this is funny.
(12:08)
But when he starts off the meeting and he's like "We're going to talk about the wall, and I tell you it's a tough issue because we are on opposite sides," the first thing I wanted to do was laugh. I was like sir. [Laughs] You lied on your resume and now you have a job that you can't do and now all we get is comedy all the time. But we can't laugh because literally people's lives are at stake and also Nazis.
Ann: Yeah. And it's one of those things where I mean I think this is important because it is like okay, Nancy Pelosi, a figure who I think has been both fairly and unfairly maligned from the left which is to say that I think she exhibits many of the problems that say Chuck Schumer does but she comes in for way, way, way more criticism because gender.
Aminatou: And her age also.
Ann: Yes.
Aminatou: It is truly like -- it's that she's an older woman specifically that makes it easy for people to attack her in this way and for her to experience this double standard and people not really stand up for her.
Ann: Yeah. I mean it's not like Chuck Schumer is a spring chicken, you know? [Laughter] It's like . . .
Aminatou: [Laughs] He's 33, okay Ann? Let it go.
Ann: Oh my god. Yeah. Like I . . . he's like a Tom Cruise 33. Is what what you're saying?
Aminatou: Yes. [Laughs]
Ann: But I think that that's another layer here of this is sort of the first time heading into a new situation in Congress that there is a hint at how will Democrats with a modicum of power approach this president or deal with him? And I think that's why it's so complicated, the idea of wow, I hate your policy position but also in some of the choices you've made to pretty much acquiesce and have this ridiculous reality TV meeting while at the same time everyone is getting really excited when Nancy Pelosi is like "It's a masculinity thing for him," which is something that most of us have been well aware of at this point for years. So, you know, it's like a . . . I don't know. It is a real complicated stew.
(14:10)
Aminatou: It's a complicated stew, but you know, the thing . . .
Ann: Sorry, that's the worst mixed metaphor. [Laughs]
Aminatou: I know. Listen, it is complicated. But the thing is we can hold all of these truths up to the light at the same time, you know? And say hi, Nancy Pelosi is . . . you know, she will go down as probably one of the best Speakers of the House. Like that is true. It is true her politics are really fucking shitty sometimes and it's also true that people treat her in a way they don't treat her male colleagues for example because she's a woman and because she's older and so on and so forth. I'm okay with having complicated conversations about people in power as opposed to just like, you know, having purity tests for people like this person is good all the time. This person is bad all the time. It's like I don't know what to tell you, anybody that is actively seeking power is probably bad.
Ann: [Laughs]
Aminatou: So let's start as a baseline there.
Ann: Oh my god, I really like . . . hearing you say something like that and kind of agreeing with it is making me flash back to my dad basically being like all politicians are terrible. And I'm like oh my god, has the snake eaten its own tail? What is going on? [Laughs]
Aminatou: Ann, politicians are terrible. They are. It's like whenever there is a new type of population or whatever, people are like "The reason I'm voting for so-and-so is because the status quo is not working," whether it's people voting for Bernie or it's people voting for Trump. I never dismiss that attitude because I'm like you're right. If it was working we wouldn't be here. If it was working we would just let them run the show. But instead it's like we literally vote for these people, we pay them, then we have to fucking supervise them every step of the way. I don't have time for this!
(15:48)
Ann: I don't know how to tell you this but anyone who pays someone has got to supervise the person they pay. [Laughs] This is how the world works.
Aminatou: This is why. This is why -- listen, everybody knows my real feelings about dictatorship. It's not terrible.
Ann: As long as it's benevolent.
Aminatou: Exactly. Benevolent dictatorship is my favorite form of government. But all kidding aside it is . . . you know, I understand why people are dissatisfied with how things work. It's also true that this is the reason that we elect certain people to office. But when being an elected official is literally a career path for people I was like we run into a lot of problems there. This is why we have political dynasties. This is why we have -- like if your goal is to be a congressman for a lifetime I can't trust you. I was like you need to do something else. This is not how this is supposed to work. It's wild. How are you doing over there?
Ann: Oh, you know, I mean I'm in a very reflective about my biz year mode. I've been simultaneously closing out my books and doing my last little bits of work that I do not want to carry in a lumpy sack on my back into 2019 with me and also shopping for things to wear to this black tie New Year's Eve wedding I am attending.
Aminatou: You are going to look so good.
Ann: Okay, here is my issue: I do not wear shoes with a heel over two inches tall. Two inches is where I max out. My pref is like an inch/inch and a half. But I still need to look dressed up. And literally it is all gentle souls, easy spirit, naturalizer territory if you want a low heel in a fashion shoe.
Aminatou: Listen Ann, I think that the pressure of saying that a heel is what makes a dressed out outfit, it's a ridiculous expectation, right?
Ann: Yes.
Aminatou: Because a lot of it is just like it's visuals. I think that if you distract everybody from your feet you could literally wear Birkenstocks and look dressed up. You are like the queen of the chunky jewelry game and you are so good at a dramatic neckline situation. Who is looking at your feet?
(17:55)
Ann: Listen, I know that to be true but now it's one of those things where I've spent way too much time. I've gotten annoyed about it. Like I hear you. I feel confident that I'm going to look great no matter what. I have shoe options in my closet.
Aminatou: [Laughs]
Ann: It is really not about my anxiety of what will people think even though . . .
Aminatou: Oh, of course. Also our friends are great.
Ann: Exactly.
Aminatou: But here's the thing about the shoe, because this is the fake rule that I've always had for myself and I think you will understand why I own many a shoe because I also don't wear heels, I feel like if I don't want to wear a heel, if the shoe is pointy, that's a heel kind of situation.
Ann: Right. I hear you and I agree. I adhere to many rules like that too, or like if it's got some ridiculous shiny element or, you know . . . 100%. I think there are a lot of ways to be black tie high fashion and not be in a sky-high heel. I get it. This is like in my million dollar ideas, right? Like someday when I own some kind of semi-ethical online shopping hub . . .
Aminatou: [Laughs]
Ann: For women with extremely long legs and torsos, and also there will be a whole section where it's just like a paradise, a field of two inches and below heels that you can just skip through, like delighted while you think about all the comfort that you're going to experience while you wear these heels.
Aminatou: What are you going to call this shop? Kitten Heels Galore?
Ann: Hmm. Just Tall Enough?
Aminatou: Just Tall Enough. I love a tiny two-inch heel but I -- you know, I live in a flat so whenever I see women in heels all the time I'm very impressed because I just don't . . . I don't know how they do it.
Ann: I think that's part of it. It's like psychological. As also someone who lives in a flat I'm like oh, it is about how I feel I'm going an extra step so to speak for this wedding.
Aminatou: [Laughs] That's the name of the store, Full Extra Step.
Ann: An extra step.
Aminatou: The extra step. Okay, you've closed your books. You're opening a shoe business.
Ann: Yes, done. I'm like adding new priorities left and right to my 2019 list.
(20:00)
Aminatou: Do you want to close my books for me?
Ann: Please, the most unpleasant task I have to do, anything related to spreadsheets related to biz. It's almost like I am not a business person; I just ended up here.
Aminatou: Well do you have any tips and tactics for doing it -- a tiny bit of it throughout the year so it doesn't feel painful? Even though I have not tackled mine yet I feel like they will be substantially less painful than last year.
Ann: I mean, yeah, there's a few things I did for myself. Like 2018 is the first year I worked with a bookkeeper -- shout-out to Akina, she's the best -- and that has made me feel very confident that there is a professional looking over my shoulder as I try to keep track of things. That's good. I've also been really good this year and I think last year as well when I categorize my income or when I log it in the spreadsheet that I use, I always note what revenue stream it's from. I mean you and I both have these jobs where we do a million different things in a year so being able to kind of say okay, I can sort this spreadsheet and see at a glance how much money I made from each little corner of my business, from this podcast, from the newsletter, from the writing I do, from speaking, from blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I think that has made the process of looking back and reflecting and trying to set goals for the coming year a lot better. What are your tips?
Aminatou: I'm proud of you. That's my tip. [Laughter] My other tip is I think that you're right about the bookkeeper. So I have not been using a bookkeeper but late in the year started using a bookkeeping system because, you know, tech people problems.
Ann: Wait, you mean like an app or something?
Aminatou: Yeah, like an app. I started using a service, like a tech service. And so far it's been working really well but I do think that I want a more high-touch person because you're right, multiple streams of income. The other thing that I have been doing is in my Gmail I've made categories -- labels -- for almost everything that has to do with business. Like there's a label for expense receipts. There's a label for donations. There's a label for incoming requests that I haven't responded to or whatever. Because I found that half of what was bogging me down was going back to look for things. And I was like if I do them in the moment it takes two seconds then I don't have to stress out about it. I agree with you about tagging everything income-related, like that's also very smart. And still the best money that I spend is on an accountant that I love. And she is retiring at the end of the year so I'm looking for a new accountant. If there's anybody in CYG Land who is a good New York based accountant who works with freelancers holler at your girl because . . .
(22:55)
Ann: Wow, your accountant is so good she's getting out of the game. You are part of her swan song. [Laughs]
Aminatou: Yeah. She's like "I'm done." She's like "I've been doing this for years." And she told me, she was like "Of all my clients you're the one I worry about the most." [Laughs] So I need to land somewhere good. And, you know, it's just a thing where we've talked about this so much on the show. One of the things that gives me so much anxiety is this kind of life admin because I ignore it for so long and then when I actually have to do something related to it I'm stressed out because I don't want to go back to look at it. And it turns out that if you just do it a little bit every day, like five minutes, it's like that Martha Stewart how do you keep your, I don't know, your bathroom counters clean? You just clean it for five minutes every day. At the end of the year it's not impossible.
(23:40)
Ann: I hear that. I respect it. I'm better some months than others.
Aminatou: Yeah, I'm better some years than others so we'll see how this year turns out. I say this a lot as somebody who has a lot of anxiety and, you know, and a lot of my anxiety a lot of times comes from being disorganized this kind of way. And so I've just found that doing a little bit of it as you go makes you feel better, and if you can't do it, and if you can afford it, hire people to help you or pay for services that can help. And also just know that everybody else is struggling with it. That's the other thing. I thought that I was uniquely a mess and that I couldn't get this part of my life together. And I was like oh, everybody's on the brink of IRS jail every day. That's fine.
Ann: Oh constantly. Constantly. I do have a resource that I love. A friend of mine who recently got -- graduated with her accounting degree and before she decided to become an accountant was a self-employed or contractually-employed working artist has started not only her own accounting business but a lot of transparency around tips and advice for people who have complicated, lots of different types of revenue, like not just one piece of paper from an employer type accounting lives. And she is at taxesforartists on Instagram.
Aminatou: I follow that account! I didn't even know it was in the family. Look at you.
Ann: Yeah, my friend Claudia. She is the best. So yeah, follow her for really good regular tips and a lot of things where you know how sometimes when people are giving financial advice and it's really clear that they don't live in the same digital spheres that you live or maybe they have a lot more money than you have? I mean she's very real about okay, look , I know that you're hoarding receipts because you're nervous about not knowing what is an expense that you can write off. Take pictures of everything in this way and whatever. You know, she's very good at identifying what is just inherited stuff you heard from your parents about what's good to do accounting-wise and what is hey, you should actually be paying attention to this.
Aminatou: Yeah, this is great. That Instagram account is really great too.
Ann: Yes.
Aminatou: Oh, also my other tip which is a thing that I learned from you that saved my life this year is that I got a separate credit card for work stuff, for business.
Ann: Yes!
Aminatou: And it was the best to be like "Here are the statements," and just turn them over to the accountant instead of digging through and having to decide what was personal and what was not. It was great.
Ann: Ugh. Like truly if I could time-travel to the first year of my un/self-employment I would be like open a business credit card immediately. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. go directly to the bank and open this.
(26:25)
Aminatou: It's perfect. It is perfect.
Ann: So getting it together at the end of 2018.
Aminatou: Getting it together, 2018. And you know what? If we fail there's always next year so, you know, we've got this.
Ann: It's true. Like slight improvement year-over-year is my only goal, not perfection.
Aminatou: Right. I'm like I'm not perfect. I already know that. I just want the government to know that and my friends to know that, so . . . [Laughter]
Ann: Okay, speaking of getting your act together before the year is over a quick announcement. You may have seen on our social channels that we have restocked the CYG shop. It is full of incredible things that you can buy for your besties or for yourself -- I mean be your own bestie. Time is of the essence if you are still trying to shop for Christmas in particular because today -- the day this episode comes out, Friday, December 14th, is the last day to get your orders in so they arrive before the holiday. However the shop is open 24/7 well into 2019 and if you are just looking for some cute swag any time, anytime it's there for you. Do you have a fav of this new merch run?
Aminatou: Man. Ugh. I love the pouch. And I love everything but the pouch that says "See you on the Internet," it is the perfect size for all the things that I need. It's like a very good canvas situation. I mean I bought myself one even though we got one for free so that's how much I love it.
(27:55)
Ann: Oh my god, I have two favs. So one is we're selling this mug. So I don't think we really realized until listeners would point it out, mostly on social media, that you and I both whenever we are disgusted by the state of this world or frustrated tend to just go "Ugh."
Aminatou: Ugh. [Laughs] That's my truest essence.
Ann: The truest essence. And I don't know if you've ever seen those vintage mugs that say like big hug mug, they're from the '70s.
Aminatou: Yes.
Ann: We made these very cute ceramic mugs that we are calling the big ugh mug that just say ugh on one side.
Aminatou: I love it. I love it.
Ann: Also it's a big mug. You know I love a big mug.
Aminatou: The mug is really big. When I got it I was like I thought -- when you mentioned it it was just a regular-sized mug and I was like oh, this is Amina and Ann size. I'm into this.
Ann: This is why we're calling it the big ugh mug. So that's one fav. And then my other fav is these incredible slippers, like canvas but with a really squishy foot bed, that say on the top free boobin'.
Aminatou: Ahh! Okay, I can't wait to get those. [Laughs]
Ann: The perfect wear around your home anthem. Free boobin'.
Aminatou: It's so real. It's so real. Carly does such a great job sourcing everything. It's always the softest and the cutest so, you know, I trust her with my fashion life. It's great.
Ann: Yeah. And so anyway everything is at shopcyg.com. There's some classics like our Shine Theory enamel pins, a bunch of new fun stuff that is for the holiday, or frankly for any time.
[Music and Ads]
(32:45)
Aminatou: Tell me something that's actually not frustrating you.
Ann: No, listen, I was just going to say let me hit you with a palate cleanser which is this article I was howling at this week about a couple of nuns in Southern California who embezzled half a million dollars in tuition fees and donations from a Catholic school.
Aminatou: My queens! My queens! Queens of stealing from the people and giving back to themselves. What?
Ann: I mean okay, first of all in our matrix of thinking about scammers we always have to think about who is the victim here? Who is getting burgled? And the answer is the Catholic Church which you know I'm like yes please.
Aminatou: I know, but also the kids, Ann. Kind of.
Ann: Is it though? Is it the kids though?
Aminatou: I mean, you know, all I'm saying is why these parents are sending their kids to private school, private Catholic school when there's public school, you're right. Victimless crime. You're right. You're right.
Ann: I am excited about the Catholic Church being the victim of this non-violent embezzlement scam.
Aminatou: [Laughs]
(33:48)
Ann: Also they used the funds for "lavish vacations and trips to the casino." Can you imagine? I just picture nuns in full habit sitting at the slots at the casino.
Aminatou: I hope so. I hope so. Also all the articles said they were seen to be best friends and I was like if you're stealing with somebody they are your best friend okay?
Ann: You are in the deal together. And also, okay, I think about this a lot with nuns, about how centuries and centuries ago I would've 100% opted for the abbey. I would've been like "Look, I don't want to be conscripted into serving a man and having a bunch of kids and living my agrarian life or whatever."
Aminatou: Ann, being a nun is literally serving the man.
Ann: No, no, no, but listen, I'm talking about an era when your option is have a million babies and don't learn to read or be like a celibate nun serving more of an abstract man/some men who are not tied to you by an arrangement of your families, right?
Aminatou: Wow.
Ann: I'm just saying a long time ago. Like we're talking like middle ages Ann I would've opted. I would've opted to become a nun. Also hello, when you look at what are the earliest writings we have available by women who are literally the only people telling women's stories prior to a certain date?
Aminatou: Women with free time to blog, a.k.a. nuns. [Laughs]
Ann: Exactly, because they didn't have a million kids because pre-birth control.
Aminatou: The OG mommy bloggers, nuns.
Ann: Not-a-mommy bloggers, the best kind of bloggers. So anyway, I understand this was a compelling option centuries ago. However in the year of our Lord, 2018, you are both taking a vow of poverty and consigning yourself to having zero power within the institution that you took a vow of poverty for. Like you are not leading a congregation. You are not in charge of shit. Like go ahead and embezzle. I'm like this is just a corrective. Have fun.
Aminatou: I need a t-shirt that says "Go ahead and embezzle." [Laughs]
Ann: I like really -- I'm like look, you made some bad choices about what you were doing with your own finances and who you were answering to for the rest of your lives. At least you had some fun at the casino and yeah, the church is not pursuing criminal charges.
(35:58)
Aminatou: [Laughs] Only became game recognized game. What are they going to do?
Ann: The perfect crime. Yeah.
Aminatou: What are they going to do? We steal from people. They stole from us. Like who's going to prosecute that?
Ann: Ugh, great vehicle for these nuns.
Aminatou: I love that the year of the scam continues on. I'm so happy for these nuns. I hope they retire and they get to keep their casino money.
Ann: Mmm, me too. Maybe they'll retire in Vegas.
Aminatou: [Laughs] Now I'm going to go Photoshop you into a habit. I think you would look great.
Ann: Okay.
Aminatou: You always look great with a dramatic head piece situation so it's great.
Ann: Thank you but it would have to be more of a medieval wood cut situation. Like it would have to be really clear that I'm wearing the habit.
Aminatou: [Laughs] Look at you already asserting your fashion choices.
Ann: I'm like I have to be -- it has to be clear from the portrait that I'm not a nun in the modern era. I'm a nun in the dark ages. That's really the only . . . yeah.
Aminatou: I was a nun before it was cool to be a nun, okay? That era.
Ann: Oh no, I was a nun during the only era in which it was cool to be a nun. That's what I'm saying. [Laughter] I've thought about this a lot.
Aminatou: Oh my gosh, Catholic School Ann, you are my favorite. Thank you.
Ann: 100%. Okay, before we go I have a question for you.
Aminatou: Uh-oh, tell me.
Ann: Which is the year is almost up and both of us are very committed to end-of-year giving for both feeling good about how we've spent the year after we find out how our financial situation shakes out and also for the tax benefits and supporting causes we love. Where are you kicking your dollars at the end of the year?
Aminatou: Oh my god, so you know this, my giving strategy has been haphazard at best for years. But this year I decided that I was going to keep it to things that actually incredibly matter to me. So doing one thing personal, one thing local, and one thing international or that has a further reach than me. So as you know there's a refugee caravan in Tijuana right now and Families Belong Together has been on the ground working with them. And so I have been thinking a lot about, you know, about immigration. I've been thinking a lot about my own asylum journey and also how America talks about immigration in these ways what is super problematic. And mostly I've just been thinking a lot about the kids that are in these caravans and their families and their backgrounds and what they're doing to get here. So if you go Families Belong Together you can kick them some money and they are working on the ground with a lot of people. If you are on Instagram or on Twitter you can follow my pal Paola Mendoza who has been going back-and-forth to the border and taking photos and it's been very, very, very affecting.
(38:45)
The other thing that I have been doing on the local front is that I found an organization in New York that donates warm clothes to people who are in prisons, notably Rikers here. So if you want to support this effort you can go to the Brooklyn Defender Services on Twitter or I think if you go online they have an Amazon link that you can specifically go to and donate stuff from the wish list of detained people because they have no heat, they have paper-thin uniforms and really thin blankets. You can buy them socks, thermals, shirts, and all of that stuff. And I feel like that's a good fuck-you to the carceral state that we live in.
Ann: Yes.
Aminatou: The other hyper-local thing that I do every year now thanks to my friend Caroline Moss is adopt a family on Operation Santa. So all you have to do is go to delivercheer.com, it's run by USPS, and you can read through the hundreds and thousands of letters. You pick one family and you buy them all gifts. And the way that we've been doing it in our Brooklyn friend family, because obviously you sponsor one family and then you start reading letters and you're like you just can't handle it, you're like I want to help everybody, is that we've been running Venmo accounts and adopting many different families. So I will say like "Hey, I have five letters. Anybody who wants to give in just send me the money. I will put it all together. I'll go to the post office and deliver the packages." And it honestly is the highlight of my holidays to do that every year. So delivercheer.com. If anybody here works at USPS or knows anybody who works at USPS fucking fix the website. We want to give you more money. Operation Santa is amazing. Santa deserves a better website. Uh, so yeah, that's it. Those are my three things that I'm giving to this year.
(40:40)
Ann: Ugh, I love that. Okay, so my strategy is that there are a few things that I have recurring ongoing support donations setup for throughout the year in part because I'm like I don't notice it as much when it's a little bit or a smaller amount every month but it adds up to the same amount that I would like to give at the end of the year. And I make those things the things that I'm like oh, I support this no matter what even if it is not popping up in the headlines in a really intense way. So for me those are the Bail Project which is a revolving bail fund that allows people who are low-income to avail themselves of their full rights and post bail. Super basic, a thing that is happening always, and is rarely grabbing me from the news headlines.
I have recurring support to the National Network of Abortion Funds for the same reason. That feels more urgent in some years than others but is like a standing. And then also the Movement for Black Lives and Showing Up for Racial Justice which is a donation that I split because I'm like this is forever kind of work. And then like you I try to make some local picks every year. I love the Downtown Women's Center in LA which specifically helps women who are experiencing homelessness in really good, multifaceted ways. It is not just a shelter although they do provide some temporary housing. They have a really smart way of looking at holistically what is this problem and what do people need? And then also the Library Foundation of Los Angeles. I'm like I love a library. I feel like libraries are like oh my god, hanging on, civic institutions that are doing the work on every single level that are not just about books but also very aligned with my love of books. The best.
(42:25)
And then finally I think this year a lot of my donating has been really informed, at least domestic donating, by the fact that I'm like oh god, the courts. The courts and fighting things and lawsuits are really a tenuous and kind of last line of defense now in a way that I have not felt that to be forever the case. And so I've got, you know, your standard ACLU donation but I also love to support the Sylvia Rivera Law Project which is again really playing a long game when it comes to how the rights of trans and gender non-conforming people are reflected for the long game. And so I'm also donating there.
And yeah, and of course there are lots of other -- you and I were talking about this, about like looking at our giving receipts from the year where you're like wow, I can just see spikes in donations to things when the headlines were really dominated with a specific issue. And I actually think that's okay. My goal for next year is to maybe budget a pool of money so I can feel empowered to give more or to know how much I can give when something is really feeling pressing, like when there's an immediate crisis at the border and I want to support legal services or something like that. So I think that that's another thing that I'm like I don't think it's a bad thing that I give in this gut way but I would like to kind of know how much I have to give and make that -- almost like plan for it, you know what I mean?
(43:48)
Aminatou: Yeah, no, I mean that's great. That's basically what I did last year. I decided that a certain percentage of my income I wanted to give away and, you know, part of it makes me feel great and the other part is also I'm like god bless, this is great for my tax situation so I want to be clear about that. But the other thing that I realize, and part of what supporting Operation Santa is about, I've also throughout the year I've probably given more to Donors Choose than I have ever. It's that, you know me, I'm a compulsive shopper. Sometimes it's because I'm sad and that's how I fix how I feel. And I was like you know, now instead of buying myself stuff that I don't need I just give that money away and I have a budget for how much that money is and it makes me feel great. And also I do that for political donations and also for 501(c)(3)s. And I have just found that as a general, you know, anxiety-reducing, compulsive shopping reducing mechanism it's been great. So look into it.
Ann: Yeah. And I feel like too I just want to say I don't feel like the dollar amounts are really the thing here. I think a lot about how if people just gave a percentage that felt reasonable and tried to maybe increase that percentage a little, or as their income increases that percentage will naturally increase a little, and thinking about that. You know, not to bring this back to all my Catholic damage again but I do think of it in kind of like a tithing way, right? Where I'm like oh, I give back at minimum a certain percent.
Aminatou: Oh, it's definitely tithing. Definitely.
Ann: Yeah, and I think that is a thing that applies whether . . . you know, obviously if you are living on a really, really tight budget that percentage or that margin is maybe going to be small. But also that's okay because you can always feel good that even if you're giving away like $5 a month or whatever you are more generous than the wealthiest people in this country as a percentage of income who give away nothing.
Aminatou: Oh yeah.
(45:45)
Ann: So I just want to be transparent about the like oh my god, if you're feeling like my finances are really tough this year and I'm not giving a lot of money away, I just want to say like I see you and you're doing great even if you are giving away a minor amount because eat the rich. [Laughs]
Aminatou: Yeah. Every dollar counts. And also, you know, this is also a good time to do kind of the books on what you were giving to. I -- you know, in my other effort to curb down my compulsive shopping, because I realized that all I have to do is check out. It's not like I have to actually buy myself stuff, like that's a sickness. I just have to put things in a cart and checkout and it makes me feel great. It's I've been . . .
Ann: So you're a compulsive donator? [Laughs]
Aminatou: Yeah, I'm a compulsive donator now. It's that I've also been doing a lot of GoFundMes. And so I looked kind of at the category of what they all were and it turns out I have certain things that I'm powerless, like I can't see them and not give to people. If a black kid wants to go study abroad I'm like take my money. If somebody is having -- you know, if somebody wants to have some sort of surgery that has to do with the body dysphoria they feel I'm like take my money. Also a lot of healthcare-related stuff, like a lot of cancer stuff. GoFundMe can't become a replacement for healthcare, and so I am happy to give but at the same time it reminds me this is what I want to push my politicians on.
Ann: Yes.
Aminatou: Because part of why we are all stepping in to fill these gaps is because literally the government is not doing what they're supposed to be doing.
Ann: Right.
Aminatou: And that's also a good way to think about what are the things that you're actually giving your money to that are causes you want to adopt later, or issues you actually care about? Because you can't do all of it. This is the first year in a long time that I don't feel bad that I didn't give money to this thing that I used to give money to, or that I'm not super plugged into this other area that everybody is talking about. I was like no, it turns out that I have my own pattern, I have my own interests, and this is the long game that I want to play and I want to encourage everybody in my network to do the same about the things that they care about.
Ann: I love that. Ugh, yes.
(47:52)
Aminatou: We're on it. We're on it. Okay boo-boo, speaking of, I've got to go back to my other life that is on fire right now. [Laughs] The whole house is on fire.
Ann: Isn't it great to know that even when your life is on fire, like this podcast just has the same amount of technical difficulty and the same amount of pleasure and pain? We're a steady ship.
Aminatou: Woo child. [Laughs] You are the best. I will see you on the Internet.
Ann: See you on the Internet.
Aminatou: You can find us many places on the Internet, on our website callyourgirlfriend.com, you can download the show anywhere you listen to your favs, or on Apple Podcasts where we would love it if you left us a review. You can email us at callyrgf@gmail.com. We're on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at @callyrgf. You can even leave us a short and sweet voicemail at 714-681-2943. That's 714-681-CYGF. Our theme song is by Robyn, original music is composed by Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs, our logos are by Kenesha Sneed, our associate producer is Destry Maria Sibley. This podcast is produced by Gina Delvac.